"And here we see what happens when the studio promises a movie poster BEFORE the lead actor is chosen. You just KNOW someone got fired for this."
Most guys (between the ages of 20 and 40) would no doubt admit to Arnold Schwarzenegger being "their hero" at one time or another. Sure, Arny made it big as the TERMINATOR and then went on to star in countless other action vehicles, but I'm a bigger fan of his Fantasy roots, most notably CONAN THE BARBARIAN (DESTROYER and RED SONJA had their moments but paled in comparison). I say Arnie, cause he was my introduction to the character, but there's a ton of comic books, novels, games and even a TV spinoff if you're inclined to look beyond the movies. So when I heard they were doing a remake, I wasn't sure how I felt about it.
If it were done well (and by "well" I mean violent as shit, with lots of crazy battles, T&A, and a solid replacement for Conan himself), but after hearing Justin Mark's kickass (mature) HE-MAN script was turned down by studios, I had little faith in a proper Conan script. Today, however, I got my answer and it would appear that Crom himself heard my prayers. Here's a taste of the review:
"The film opens with an unborn baby floating peacefully inside his mother. There are noises of a battle raging on the outside, muffled screams and fighting. Suddenly, a sword is plunged into the pregnant woman, and we see the blade just miss the baby’s head. The sword is pulled out as we, too, are thrust into the fighting. You might say this sets the tone for the script.
Now, how much suspense is generated when you know Conan will eventually kill off the evil doers, eventually make it to bad guy number one, eventually save the girl and the world? Not very much. The fun in this movie will be the battles, the action sequences, the creepy visuals, the under-clad women, the bad guys gettin’ theirs. The script does a good job of staying with what die-hard Conan fans will want. Lots of hacked-off limbs. Weirdo creatures like four-armed archers, brain-burrowing worms, and chain-enveloped ogres. Chopped-off heads. Nude ladies. Nude men. Drunkenness. Debauchery. Feats of daring-do. Close calls. Adventure! It’s all here."
My Two Cents: "Speaking of solid efforts, Robert Rodriguez's RED SONJA reboot is similarly coming along and going down this same road. Hottie Rose McGowan will play the red haired hellraiser this time around, replacing eighties blonde bombshell Brigitte Nielsen."