Review: Max Payne (Unrated)

"SIGH, I told them not to cut out all the good stuff."

Detective Max Payne hasn't been the same since his wife and son were murdered. Especially seeing as how one of the perpetrators is still out there. When Max's ex-partner finds a connection between the death of an assassin's sister and Max's family, he ends up dead with Max as the prime suspect. Now Max must team up with this assassin to bring down a company responsible for a conspiracy dealing with a military weaponised drug called Valkyr.

Ahhh, Max Payne. I never really got into the games as I'm not much for the first person shooter types. I did watch a roommate play a bit though and was immediately drawn into the dark, brooding monologues which connected the game's chapters together. When I'd heard about the movie, I wasn't surprised but when I heard (Marky) Mark Wahlburg was playing Max, I got excited. I only kid him, cause I love him. He's one of the best actors of today, and that ain't too shabby considering he came up from the music world. The trailers looked great, the soundtrack was bang on and then it happened. I read they were "toning it down" from a hard "R" to PG-13 fluff with frightening scenes. I nearly punched a hole in my monitor. What a fucking waste. I mean, it was so blatantly obvious and ridiculous. You could see a splash of blood hit the wall in the trailer after some junky gets hacked to death by a machete, but a bare wall in the actual movie. Unbelievable. And this betrayal didn't go unnoticed by the fans. Nobody I talked to liked this film. Not a one. I'm speaking of the cut version of course, I'm getting to the unrated part, though for some reason, I'm assuming the damage is already done for poor Max.

I watched the unrated version because I knew it was the version they'd originally intended for theaters. Had this version hit theaters instead of the cut one, I think people would have sung a different tune. When people get shot in this version you see a spray of red mist, not to mention a hole. We got some naughty language, a couple chick making out and I even saw some side boob. Why the hell was this stuff cut? It's a cop flick for God sake, when a guy gets shot you need to see blood, pure and simple. "Street Kings" with Keanu Reeves and "Assault of Precinct 13" with Ethan Hawke, now THOSE were kick ass cop flicks. I was expecting the same thing from "Max Payne" and got it with the unrated version but as I said, I think it's too little too late to save face here. The people have already spoken, and most aren't willing to re-watch a flick just cause it says "unrated". Only the few hardcore fools like myself (and probly the sort of people reading this review) are guilty of such tolerence.

Because I think so highly of Mark Wahlburg, I would have watched this movie regardless. I sat through "The Happening" because of him, I could really care less about M. Night Douchebag but I would be happy if he made the sequel to "Unbreakable" he's been babbling about for the past few years now. I honestly have been a huge fan of Wahlburg since "Fear", not to mention his other project "Entourage" is one of my favorite shows. So, either way, I watch his movies and most times walk away happy. I knew I'd love this version mainly because the cut one wasn't a bad film to begin with. I was just angry at the system. I'm a sucker for unrated, extended or director's cut versions of my favorite films. Not to say "Max Payne" is a favorite but it is indeed worth seeing in its true form. Being a video game movie, it will never get the applause it's due simply because the games always have at least six to ten hours of storyline which is impossible for a movie to compete with. Even with sequels. This is why you see novels turning to Television a lot lately. Maybe it's time video games followed suit. "Max Payne" as a twelve episode series on HBO or Showtime would have been a much better presentation. Of course, you don't see it as often cause there's a hell of a lot more money in movies. My argument there is, why risk a shitty movie and make "OK" money, when you can do it right by the fans and material and still make a decent amount of money the first go around? Season one ends, you leave the audience begging for more, on comes season two and more money. This isn't quantum physics here......or maybe it is.

Catch the Max Payne trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVA7Pvn0t18&feature=related

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Narnia's "Voyage" back on course

"Will the Narnia movies blossom in the same fashion the Harry Potter films have? Time will tell."

Three weeks ago I shared my distaste of Disney's decision to pull out of the third Narnia movie, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", thinking it could throw this film into limbo. Fox and Walden Entertainment have teamed up and averted this catastrophe. Trimming about 75 million off the cost, it appears "Voyage" is in for some smooth sailing into a 2010 release with shooting beginning this summer. I hope Fox/Walden do the right thing here, which in my opinion is to push the envelope a bit and make it a truly epic fantasy adventure. Fans of the books really love this entry for its serious tone, though I've also heard this one referred to as "more family oriented". I hope we land on the first one myself. "Prince Caspian" didn't get a fair shake. I went into it thinking it would be "OK" but in the end I was sincerely impressed, my faith in the series reinvented. With Disney out, maybe we can get a bit more action out of this baby, or Fox/Walden could drop the ball as they did with "Eragon". I'll remain hopeful for now, and keep you updated as I find out more.

My Two Cents: "I was pumped as hell to see Eragon after watching the trailers. It had such a wicked premise....WTF happened?"

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Ghost Rider series still burning

"Why would you imbeciles choose NICOLAS CAGE to play ME!? WHY!?"

I really wanted to love the "Ghost Rider" movie. It did have potential after all. A man makes a deal with the Devil and gets transformed into a super cool biker vigilante who's head (which happens to be a skull) is constantly on fire. I mean shit, I even looked past the idea that Nicolas Cage's goofy ass would be playing Johnny Blaze, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe we'd get one more great action flick outta've him like "The Rock". Sigh. Not even close. First rule of Devil movies: They have to be dark "R" rated masterpieces of pure evil. Anything else just doesn't merit an appearance from the Lord of down under. And over and above this rule, where comic book movies are concerned, never wander from the tone of your source material. In the case of "Ghost Rider" they were waaaay off the beaten path as I'm sure most of you saw for yourselves. Now it seems a sequel is on the way, with Dick....er, I mean Nick Cage back in the driver seat. Just because it's a comic book film, doesn't mean it can't be dark. The first "Punisher" was and though there are mixed feelings about this flick, I personally loved it. The extended (uncut) version of "Daredevil" was also well done and true to the character. I won't lead myself (or any of you) to believe this next "Ghostrider" movie will be anything special but there is a thin chance (translucent really) they may have learned their lesson. Although, as "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" has clearly shown us, the people giving these scripts the green light appear to have the IQ of a squished grape.

My Two Cents: "Jason Statham is in negotiations to play Matt Murdock (aka Daredevil) in what they're saying will be a reboot to the series. I could live with that."

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A darker RE 4 on the horizon

"DIE ALICE! Nobody steals Jill Valentine's spotlight!"

Resident Evil fans rejoice cause a new installment is on the way. Paul W.S. Anderson wrote the screenplay though he won't be coming back to direct this time around. The script's second draft is complete and they're looking for a director as well as hoping to get Milla officially on board. Apparently the screenplay is similar to RE 2 in style but much darker as far as tone and dialogue, which sounds like a step in the right direction to me. I liked "Resident Evil: Apocalypse" a lot actually but the dialogue was a bit "hokey" in parts. I can't see why Milla would turn this down, it's her baby after all, and by the sounds of things these guys are taking it seriously so it should be worthwhile. We'll know for sure when or if Milla is confirmed. Filming will take place in Toronto and Tokyo, though the film will be set partly if not entirely in Alaska. I guess Alaska wasn't as "zombie free" as they thought. Cold AND zombies, sounds like a shitty deal.

My Two Cents: "Resident Evil 5 comes out for PlayStation 3 mid February. I guess the RE franchise is still full of juice."

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Predator Reboot

"Don't be mad cause I grabbed the cool mask first."

I'm not usually a huge fan of remakes, or "reboots" as they like to call them lately but the chance to see more "Predator" action is definitely something I can get behind. The Predators just keep getting cooler and cooler every time we see them. Sadly, the same can't be said about the movies these glorious creatures find themselves in. The first "AVP" had a kick ass story but they went without the "R" added goodness which in turn pissed off the fans and created a horrible reaction. Then came "Requiem" which brought back the "R" stuff but story wise was about as interesting as rectal exam. Not to mention nobody gives a shit about the aliens anymore. And why should they? That franchise hasn't had a decent instalment since "Aliens". I was only interested in the "AVP" movies on the "Predator" level. Beyond that, both movies were worthless. But to give the Predators another stand alone movie (reboot or not) is a fantastic idea. Did I mention it's Robert Rodriguez who's talking about producing, which leaves me incredibly enthusiastic. He also expressed interest in making this fight against many if not the entire Predator race. Not exactly sure how well that would work for humanity, but I can't wait to find out.

My Two Cents: "Robert Rodriguez directed on my favorite alien movies of all time, The Faculty."

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We all scream for more "SCREAM"

"What's your favorite romantic comedy? Just go with it bitch, I gotta change things up a little!"

I would say the "SCREAM" series is back by popular demand.....but I'd be lying. More likely, the studios behind the "SCREAM" franchise are going to try and squeeze a little more blood outta this stone. "SCREAM 4" is still a ways off, but writer Kevin Williamson (he wrote the first two, and helped on the third) is starting a draft which may or may not end up being the script in question. Sadly, there's no confirmation of Wes Craven as of yet. What's worse, they're actually sending out offers to Neve Campell, Courtney Cox Arquette and David Arquette for cameo roles in this chapter as I quote "This will be a younger version of the SCREAM movies." One can only speculate at this point as to what this comment really means, but my spidey sense is telling me this is bad mojo. A dummied down PG flick? A straight to DVD turd burger? Again, it's far too early to tell but you'll know when I know. The "SCREAM" flicks were fun and I don't care who you are, nobody saw the first one's ending coming. That was some straight up "Sixth Sense" shit and you simply HAD to watch the sequels after that. But with a "younger group", no Wes and only cameos from the original cast members, this "SCREAM" may end up being nothing more than a sad, sad whimper.

My Two Cents: "What the hell happened to Neve Campbell anyway? I found Sidney to be mildly annoying but Suzie from Wild Things, she was super cool. They actually made a sequel to Wild Things, but I couldn't bring myself to watch it. You can't top the threesome scene from the original, so why try."

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Review: Outlander

"Ahhhh, guys? I think we pissed him off."

Kainan is a soldier from distant region of space who's ship crash lands on Earth around 700 AD during the time of Vikings, consequently unleashing upon them a deadly creature known as a Moorwin. Kainan must unite a land at war and work together with its people if they hope to destroy this monstrous predator.

Outlander is not the sort of film to take home an Oscar. Nor will score huge money at the box office. It'll do well on DVD and those involved should be able to walk away unscathed. You may think this means I didn't like it, or it wasn't very good. Think again. Outlander was a bad ass action flick which just didn't get the publicity it should have. Poor marketing I guess, or maybe lack of "big names". Who knows, but believe it or not, this is what happens to more than a few honorable action movies. Not all action films hit the Internet with the same kind of buzz "Tranformers: Revenge of the Fallen" or say "Terminator: Salvation" will and do. Some, like "Outlander" slip by relatively unnoticed until you stumble upon them at Blockbuster or HMV. The truth of the matter? I'd put this movie in the same category as those other two, easily.

He may not be the biggest name out there, but Jim Caviezel is a fine actor. I mean shit, if he can make us sit through a long ass (subtitled) presentation of Jesus being beaten to a bloody pulp and nailed to a cross, then he deserves a bit of credit. He did well by Kainan and holds his own as an action star. John Hurt (Rothgar) played a great King and I'm really digging him as the voice of the dragon in the TV series "Merlin". Ron Pearlman snuck his way in as Gunner, the ruler of the opposing tribe and Sophia Miles kicked some ass (though I miss her blond hair from the first two Underworld movies) as the king's daughter Freya. Jack Huston gave a solid supporting performance as the recklace "King to be" Wulfric who fights by Kainan's side.

I enjoy Viking tales, and this one reminded me of "The Thirteenth Warrior". I love that flick, though Jim was much cooler than Antonio. But the Moorwin is what really blew my skirt up here, I mean this thing looked COOL AS FUCK. A lot of times you get monsters who look good in the dark, but when they step into the light they look more like something a fifth grader assembled in the toy department of Wallmart. That may sound harsh, but it happens more than I care to admit. The Moorwin had me thinking of "The Beast" from "Brotherhood of the Wolf". Well, more precisely, if it had mated with a "Predator" and its offspring was then suited up with armor and high tech weaponry. This would have made it (almost) as cool as the Moorwin. You really have to see this thing to believe it. Well done to the effects team.

If sci-fi action is your thing, or at least one of your things, then Outlander is a must see for your next weekend movie night. A true action flick (meaning it's rated R) with spectacular visuals and enough battles to have your stereo system rattling the windows. Jim Caviezel doesn't walk on water here, but he ends up with a really cool sword and that's good enough for me. Seriously though, I want that sword.

Catch the Outlander trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewBIp8uv58I

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Review: Midnight Meat Train

"I wonder if people are intimidated by my huge man-purse?"

Leon is a photographer dreaming of making it big, but when he gets the meeting he's been waiting for his high class contact tells him to dig deeper into the heart of the city for the perfect moment. A chance incident at the subway late one evening draws him into the world of a strange butcher whom Leon believes may be responsible for a series of disappearances.

I've been waiting for this train to hit my station for quite some time now. For some reason, this twisted tale from the mind of Clive Barker was overrun with delays. Nevertheless, I strapped myself down for a ride I won't soon forget. MMT draws you in to a surreal world of pure evil. No matter what anyone says about horror, people are the scariest creatures of all. Monsters kill for food, for survival and most times don't tend to do so unless your dumb ass happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. People are quite different. Vinnie Jones is a man known only as "Mahogany" and his ghastly presence will chill you (and carve you)to the bone. Bradley Cooper did a great job as Leon, I'd only really remember him from "Wedding Crashers" as the jerk boyfriend in Owen Wilson's way. Tony Curran played a small but vital role, always good to see him. And a surprising treat was seeing Barbara Eve Harris (Mahone's ex-partner from Prison Break) as Detective Lynn Hadley. We also get a little Brook Shields action, if that floats your boat at all. No? Me neither.

These are the sort of scares you want (but seldom get) from your run of the mill fright night. I mean come on, a guy gets hit in the back of the head with hammer so hard his eyeballs pop out, that alone equals "WIN" in my book. And the only thing more terrifying than what Mahogany's actually doing to these people, is why he's doing it. The storyline does take a "From Dusk till Dawn" sort of turn (not with vampires don't worry) but I don't feel it hurt the realism or impact the film was going for. There were quite a few subtle hints throughout the movie to help indicate this was based upon a short story. A great many questions were left unanswered though they still give you plenty to run with. I find this style of movie making interesting from a writer's standpoint, though I can honestly understand how some would find it annoying. Most people would rather have answers than use their imagination and I suppose there's nothing wrong with that but if that's the case you may be disappointed here.

I found MMT to be much better than your average horror flick. They certainly weren't scared to throw in some red stuff but due to the premise I didn't feel they went over board. I'm sure some people would object (I've grown rather numb to blood and gore) but then again, I don't think this is the movie for those kinds of people. Certainly a step up from the average PG crap and earning big points for not being a sequel or remake, MMT is a crisp, original tale following in the footsteps of Kiefer Sutherland's "Mirrors". This movie flew pretty far under the radar, so I won't be surprised if most people haven't heard of it. But don't be fooled, this is one train you won't want to miss.

Catch the Midnight Meat Train trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pifkqLq6c0

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The Dark Knight set to return in 2011

"HEY! Did you just mention the movie Batman and Robin!? I didn't think so."

Since "The Dark Knight" made enough money to buy a string of small islands, it comes as no surprise the caped crusader will once again grace the silver screen. Executive Producer Michael Uslan is now on board and has no doubts Nolan and Bale will follow suit. When asked about the villains and or love interest for the next film he was sworn to secrecy. We've been hearing rumors of Catwoman, Penguin and Riddler lately, which quite frankly make me wanna shoot myself. If "Batman Returns" taught us anything, it's that Penguin is neither cool nor interesting. Nolan has created a "real world" Batman and he'll need to follow this recipe if he plans to keep cooking up masterpieces. I like the use of the mob as a foundation or backdrop of the Gotham underworld, and using one or two villains per movie seems to be working as long as they dont' try to squeese in more than one origin story per film.

The use of a more "human" type villain (as opposed to monsterous or supernatural) is also key. Which means, no Mr. Freeze, no Poison Ivy, no Killer Croc and no Penguin. Catwoman as a love interest? Perhaps, if done correctly. The Riddler? No thanks, been there done that. For me, the decision is simple. Bring on Bane. Forget his pitiful excuse of a cameo in "Batman and Robin" and look into the Batman comic book series called "Knightfall". Bane is a ruthless member of the German underworld who comes to Gotham to "shake things up" much like the Joker did in "The Dark Knight". Knowing he could never defeat Batman on his own, Bane breaks into Arkham Asylum freeing all of Batmans worst enemies. Bane watches Batman from the shadows, using these villains to weaken him both mentally and physically. After deducing Batman's true identity, he strikes our hero where he's most vulnerable, Wayne Manor. In a brutal battle Bane snaps Bruce Wayne's back over his knee leaving him beaten and broken. Bruce must temporarily pass his mantle to Jean-Paul Valley (who calls himself Azrael) while he designs a new suit to sustain his injury. Tensions mount as Bane tightens his grip over Gotham and the new Batman, growing unstable and excessively violent, decides he doesn't want to relinquish his new title.

Now I'm not saying they have to break Batman's back or bring in Azrael, but there's more than enough they can do with this storyline. I for one, pray they make use of it. The Dark Knight will be shooting for a 2011 summer release.

My Two Cents: "My favorite Batman adventure is the hardcover graphic novel "Red Rain" where Dracula finds his way to Gotham. You know what would be really cool though, Batman vs. Predator! I'd give my left nut to see THAT hit theaters."

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Lord of the "Gears" Trilogy

"Looks like Resident Evil's Nemesis.....on steroids."

I guess this is gonna be a lucrative year for gamers. Looks like the gears are really turning for the "Gears of War" franchise. This brutal game series (available for Xbox 360) follows a crew of soldiers trying to fight off a subterranean alien race known as "The Locust" who have overrun the planet. There's been talk of a film deal in the pipeline for some time now, but it seems the word now is trilogy. Len Wiseman, the director who gave us the first two Underworlds is keen on covering the bases here and giving the audience what they want. I love the enthusiasm but lets see how the first one turns out before anyone gets overly excited. Mr. Wiseman's saying it will be "a harder edged Lord of the Rings." OK, well that should be a given considering the LOTR were PG-13 rated flicks and "Gears" is a first person shooter known for blood, gore and enough kinds of decapitation to make Jason Voorhees giggle like a school girl. Sigh, I just love when they try to compare "future projects" to stuff people know and love in hopes of creating some sort of mad hype. I'll give this guy the benefit of the doubt though, he is banging Kate Beckinsale after all but I certainly hope he's not talking about of his ass here. In the meantime, "Gears of War" is as good a reason as any to pick up an Xbox 360 if you haven't already. And lest we forget "Fable 2".

My Two Cents: "Wiseman and Beckinsale first hooked up sometime during the shooting of the first Underworld. Now Beckinsale and Michael Sheen (who plays Lucian) were dating when they both started working on the this film. Maybe that's why Lucian died at the end and wasn't in Evolution. Ouch."

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Lara Croft is a Fox.....maybe

"No I won't go topless Shia, this is best it's gonna get. And stop trying to see up my dress."

Well Tomb Raider fans may be in for a double dose of good news. It seems the producers who gave us the first two films are trying to cook up another reason for Lara to put those guns to good use. Only this time, without Angelina Jolie. Good call in my opinion. And best of all, superhottie Megan Fox is who they have their sights set on this time around. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" and "Jennifer's Body" are Miss Fox's current projects but I'm sure she'd be more than happy to become the iconic video vixen Lara Croft. I liked the first two films for what they were (video game adaptions aimed directly at fan boys) but I'll be honest and say Megan Fox's involvement would surely sweeten the pot. Production is scheduled to begin in 2010 with a 2011 summer release and I'll be sure to let everyone know if this is rumor is indeed fact or fiction.

My Two Cents: "I wonder who's footsteps Megan will follow in if she gets the gig? Angie's padded approach, or Rhona's boob job? A question nearly as juicy at the rumor itself!"

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Review: Sex Drive

"And if she IS a dude.......I guess I could settle for a reach around."

Ian is a high school senior with a problem, he's eighteen and still a virgin. Though he may not exactly be a ladies man in person, Ian is getting down and dirty with a little hottie he met online. When she finally calls his bluff and suggests a meeting, Ian's best friend Lance won't let him back down. Armed with his older brother's sixty-nine Judge, Ian, Lance and Felicia are off to "Visit grandma".

They could re-use this plot line a hundred more times and I'm all but certain I would still enjoy watching it. Following in the footsteps of "Eurotrip" and "Superbad" with a little bit of "Trojan War" mixed in for good measure, "Sex Drive" follows a young man's pursuit of the opposite sex. Ahhh the conquest, every young man finds his way here. One thing thing in particular that draws me (and guys in general) to movies like this, is the firm reality of it all. Yes, they are movies. However, the reason so many of these films surface is because of how utterly accurate these tales of love and lust truly are. We guys can be quite entertaining to watch when we're in "girl" mode. I could spin a tale of two of hilarity based upon my own endeavors, let alone those of a great many friends of mine. I'm not saying saying this a "guys" movie, women (I'm sure) are just as funny when they do this but it seems like a man is always willing to go just a bit further to get what he wants and the result is never what he originally expected.

Josh Zucherman's character Ian is a guy we all know, the nice guy. And Clark Duke's Lance, well, just happens to be the opposite side of the coin who ends up pushing his best friend in the right direction. Amanda Crew was cute as Felicia, the girl who likes the "bad boy" but ends up realizing "the nice guy" is who she really wanted in the first place. Again, nothing new in the "what" or "why" department but the "how" does shine and provide big laughs especially when James Marsden (Ian's older brother) is around. I've been a huge Marsden fan since "Disturbing Behavior" and "Gossip". He caught a cool break as Cyclops in the "X-men" movies but sadly got jipped in the third film. He's beyond funny here, and I hope this pushes him into another comedy or two. It's nice to see Seth Green doing something other than "Family Guy" or an "Austin Powers" sequel. He plays a sarcastic Amish fella named Ezekiel who helps the friends outta've a rut (or two) with the car.

If you enjoyed the afor mentioned comedies, I have no doubt you will enjoy "Sex Drive" as well. Some people shun the "High School" stuff, pawning it off as juvenile and ridiculous. "American Pie" re-opened the door to this brand of humor and it's nice to see this door has yet to close. But you do have to know when to say no, the "Pie" films really stopped being funny after the third one, which in itself was borderline. Stand alone adventures like "Sex Drive" are the proper way to covet this sort of fun. I'm always up for a good laugh and this movie hit the spot. There's always a great one liner to take away from flicks like this, and for me, it had to be "Visiting Grandma". And poke fun if you must, but I'll be saving this one for just the right occasion.

Catch the Sex Drive trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flQIoeR5VPA

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Deadpool no longer just a cameo

"I had the opportunity to attend a New Year's Eve party at Ryan Reynold's house awhile back.......I couldn't make it and will forever hate myself."

As many of you should already know by now, Ryan Reynold's is playing the role of Deadpool in the upcoming "X-men Origins: Wolverine" movie hitting theaters May first. If you have yet to watch the trailer, you owe it to yourself to do so right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeP8Vf0gYq4 There has been a lot of buzz on why a series of reshoots are currently taking place in Vancouver. Some say weather, others say schedule conflicts, but we're now hearing something else. Deadpool was only going to have a cameo in this film, but apparently these reshoots have him and Wolverine pairing up for a little more. Rumors of a stand alone Deadpool flick (starring Reynolds) have been circulating forever now. Maybe the extra time in Wolverine is to gage the audience's reaction to the character and or Reynold's portrayal of him. Based on the strength of his performance, perhaps we will indeed see a Deadpool film in the not so distant future. Ryan Reynolds is an outstanding actor and I get the impression his character here will mimic a bit of his performance in "Blade Trinity" as Hannibal King. Wolverine is high on my list of MUST SEE movies this year and in my honest opinion, a little more Ryan Reynolds isn't a bad thing.

My Two Cents: "Call me NUTS, but I think Van Wilder is one of the greatest comedies ever made. Isn't that right Timmy.......Timmy?"

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G.I. James Bond?

"Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes look cool, I just hope this movie can deliver."

So Stephen Summers is talking about what "inspired" him while creating "G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra" and I sincerely hope you're sitting down. The older style James bond movies featuring Sean Connery!? You remember those.....no wait, you don't because they're so damn old and rediculous. There's a reason James Bond got a makeover, well, several in fact, but one reason I'm absolutely sure of is people wouldn't sit through slapstick crap like "Thunderball" these days. I mean, COME ON, Thunderball!? That's the payoff we've been waiting for!? Wow. The news for this film is getting bleaker by the moment. I mean yes, I really wanna see an epic battle between Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow (who the hell wouldn't) but will it be enough to carry the movie? Or are we gonna end up with a mess like "Star Wars: Episode I", a shitty as hell movie with a couple cool characters who go head to head in the final moments of the film? The Darth Maul fight was epic, I'll be the first to admit it, but I can't bring myself to sit through the entire flick just to see it again. There is absolutely no reason G.I.Joe should be anyting but stellar. With such a rich storyline to take from combined with today's cutting edge technology, it should be child's play. Then again, Van Helsing should have been a good movie too. Please God, let there be a light at the end of this tunnel, else I may need to commit a sin upon a certain fellow man.

My Two Cents: "At least Van Helsing wasn't a total loss, it did have Kate Beckinsale sporting tight leather and a corsit."

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Review: My Best Friend's Girl

"Sooooooo, you remember the movie Powder?"

Dustin is far too nice a guy. So when his girlfriend decides she wants to explore her options and date other people, Dustin enlists the aid of his best friend Tank to change her mind. Tank's specialty? Showing women the absolute worst time of their lives to send them running back into the arms of their boyfriends. This friendship is then put to the ultimate test when Tank starts to fall for Dustin's girl.

I wasn't exactly "moved" by this trailer when I saw it and as a result didn't pay this movie much attention. Another Dane Cook romantic comedy, I thought, yippee. I finally got around to watching it and within the first five minutes I was laughing myself into tears. I should heed my own advice more often, never judge a book by its cover or in this case, a movie by its trailer. "Good Luck Chuck" was OK. I laughed (and laughed hard) but it wouldn't have carried so well the second time around. A true to form comedy is funny, no matter how many times you watch it. I just didn't get that vibe with Chuck and thus, didn't think this movie would be much different. I was wrong, this movie was hysterical. Both times I watched it. Poor Jason Biggs, not only is his character Dustin a loser, his presence in this film is quite sad as well. I hope he made enough money off the "American Pie" flicks cause he doesn't seem to be getting much action. I really like Kate Hudson, and there was nothing wrong with her performance, but she really needs to explore something other than romantic comedies before she gets stuck with them for good. She rocked in "The Skeleton Key" and the movie itself was the shit. Head back in that direction Kate, It'll be a much needed change of pace. And I can't forget Alec Baldwin who plays Tank's over the top, womanizing father. Also, very funny.

This story is a pretty straight forward romantic comedy but the tone is gritty, the language crass and the laughs explicit. I go back to Judd Apatow and thank him for helping bring about this turn of events in comedy leading us back to the old school Eddie Murphy days. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, this style of comedy is not for everyone, but those of us who like it, don't want to see it come to an end. "Wedding Crashers" was another push in the right direction, helping pave the way to this style of movie. I wasn't much of a Dane Cook fan until now, and I notice critics give him a hell of a time but if this is the sort of thing he'll be bringing to the table, set me up a place cause I'm ready for more. However, he also did a great job in the overlooked gem, "Mr. Brooks". So much like Kate, he could steer his way into another thriller and probably do alright there too. So if crude laughs are what you're after, look no further. I still giggle to myself every time I think of the pizza joint "Jesus Crust". The movie was worth it for that scene alone I promise you. I'll give you guys the red ban trailer I wish I'd seen in the first place. I would have definitely watched this movie a lot sooner.

Catch the trailer for My Best Friend's Girl here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOh9fcdcpP8

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Review: Saw V

"Scary doesn't even begin to describe how God awful this mask smells."

After narrowly escaping Jigsaw's latest bloodbath with his life, Agent Strahm begins to suspect a fellow officer, Detective Hoffman of aiding and abetting the notorious killer. Even in death, Jigsaw's message will not be denied. As Strahm and Hoffman play a deadly game of cat and mouse, five new victims are pitted in a race against time (and traps) in hopes of keeping their lives and winning their freedom.

Jigsaw is back, well, kinda. The original "Saw" was a merciless masterpiece of wit and death. A killer orchestrating (but not committing) the deaths of those who don't appreciate the lives they were given. Toben Bell himself said in an interview that he was blown away by the cult following these movies created. Jigsaw has become a household name, much like Freddy Kruger, Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees. And much like those masters of horror, Jigsaw has retained a great many sequels. I keep watching these movies thinking "yep, this is the one that will suck infinite donkey balls and make me wanna puke" but oddly enough (and much to my surprise) I keep nodding my head in approval. Now I'm not saying these are glorious masterpieces here, far from it. But as sequels go, and I see so many lame ones these days, the Saw series could be a whole lot worse.

Tobin Bell is still the man. When you hear his creaky voice say "We're going to play a game" it sends shivers up your spine, so I can't imagine how those poor bastards waking up in those dank rooms feel. I'm thankful for what the Saw movies did for Tobin, I mean before Jigsaw, he was lucky to get the role of "henchman number two" in whichever random action flick. But since Jigsaw, he's been popping up all over the place in movies and even in a season of 24. Costas Mandylor plays a cold detective Hoffman, hell bent on revenge for the brutal murder of his sister. It's this hunger for vengeance that catches Jigsaw's eye and begins Hoffman's transformation. Scott Patterson's agent Strahm is no less focused here as he tries to piece together the puzzle and bring Hoffman down. I really did wonder how this movie would play out, Jigsaw dying at the end of part three and all, but I will admit these guys are good. The way they connect the dots and key sequences, tying all characters involved together is quite impressive.

We get some Julia Benz and Meagan Good action as two of the rats in a trap. Ah, the traps. My one major issue with this series. The first two were fine, but as the third movie came around, we were introduced to some major works of engineering as far as these traps are concerned. OK, I get it, Jigsaw's a mastermind but was he an architect as well? And hell, for arguements sake, lets say he was. I'm ninety-nine percent sure that junky slut Amanda wasn't. Yet, as the series progressed, Jigsaw could barely move, let alone assemble these works of mechanical art used to rip people to pieces. And what about Hoffman? That was a dandy trap or two he put together as well. These guys seemingly stole a page or two outta Michael Scofield's handbook by the look of things. Either that, or they watch a shit ton of MacGyver.

The ingenious machinery aside, Saw V was a fun way to kill some time.....and people. I agree with Jigsaw's theory's about those who walk around alive but really are dead inside. I'm not saying I'm gonna start building machines and killing them, but it's a hell of lot more logical than a guy in a hockey mask carrying around a big machete. The ironic thing to consider with Jigsaw is this: He punishes the corrupt if they fail to learn from their mistakes. Much like that Dexter fella, only Dex doesn't give you the opportunity to reform. They each have their own distinct methods but the message is quite similar. So the Saw franchise goes on, with part VI coming soon to a Halloween near you. This one was well done, but Jigsaw is the key to this franchise's success and I'm just not sure how they can incorperate him in after this. Then again, I thought the same thing after three and four so what do I know. I can't say for sure that I'll catch the next one in theaters but I'll be honest and say I'm secretly looking forward to it.

Catch the Saw V trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCLwD7K1eDY

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62 and still kickin.....ass that is

"Governor of California, pfft. Terminate THIS motherfucker!"

Sly's a curious fella these days. Still a bit underrated, but you just never know what he's gonna pull out of his sleeve next. "Rocky Balboa"? I liked it. "Rambo"? Didn't really care for. But his next project "The Expendables" is shaping up to be something special indeed. And speaking of "shaping up" Sly looks better now at 62 than most men do.....ever. As you may or may not know, Sly wrote and will direct this new action vehicle (which starts shooting next week) and has assembled quite the ensemble cast. Jet Li, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke and Ben Kingsley to name a few. The plot? Sly leads a band of mercs hired by the CIA (off the grid of course) to beat the living bejesus outta've some South American dictator and what I'm sure will be a slew of countless other people in the way. It's being dubbed "The greatest action flick of all time". I sincerely doubt that, but it's captured my curiosity and I'll be sure to keep everyone posted as I learn more. Here's a fun, but disappointing fact: Sly tried to get Van Damme on board but his boss at the car wash wouldn't let him have the time off, so he had to say no.

My Two Cents: "Love his character's tats! I hope I can look that good at 62."

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Review: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans


"For the last time, no, I'm not Lara Croft."

Sonja is a vampire born into privilege and Lucian a special breed of lycan used to spawn a small army of slaves for Sonja's father, Viktor. Viktor's plans for Lucian and his kind are shattered when he learns of a secret love affair between them which finds both Lucian and Sonja at his mercy. But this betrayal is only the beginning of a war that will not only echo through generations to come, but also bring the vampire nation to its knees as the slaves unite and rise up against their masters.

Rise of the Lycans reveals Lucian's side of the brooding war between vampire and werewolf. Origin stories can be both good and bad. The good? Well, we get another Underworld flick jam packed with bloody goodness and a chance to revisit the feuding world of these beloved characters, both old and new. The bad? We know how it's gonna play out. Sonja's gonna die and Lucian's gonna get really pissed and kick some fanged ass. Bill Nighy shines as Viktor, his commanding presence just overwhelms you when he's on screen. I won't take anything away from Micheal Sheen's outstanding portrayal of Lucian, (a leader tormented by love and sacrifice) who's hand is finally forced. Rhona Mitra lit up the stage as Viktor's rebellious daughter Sonja, showing us yet again, she's a woman of action and definitely a rising star to keep an eye on.

I enjoyed this installment more than the second, but the first one remains my favorite of the three. My only valid complaint here is the lack of foresight these movies sometimes have. The writers/directors have made it known that a trilogy was always what they'd intended. Yet, the first Underworld so nonchalantly discards Lucian's character at the end of the movie, not to mention Raze and Viktor. Which is fine, I guess, if there were to be no sequels. But there were sequels. And now this movie builds up these three characters in particular, but to what end? They die in the first one. My point? This happens a lot in sequels. The writers realize what great characters they had to begin with, so they "go back" and do prequels so that they can make use of them again. The first X-men movie comes to mind here. They toss in good ol Sabertooth for the fans, but essentially discard him like a clubfoot lackey at the end of the movie. Oops, now here comes X-men Origins, and who's the main villain? What a surprise, it's Sabertooth. I felt this way about Lucien and Raze, because now I want to see more of them and can't, so I'm a bit disgusted by how carelessly they were treated in the next movie. Essentially, Hollywood always tries to cover all the bases in the "first chapter" as it's unclear if there will be a "next one". I understand that, but a little more forethought and planning would do us, the fans, a noble justice.

The Underworld movies are great fun, for me especially as I love vampire movies. Throw in hot chicks in tight leather, swords, guns with ultraviolet bullets and all out bloody warfare and you have my vote any day of the week and twice on Sundays. The world behind the movie looks phenomenal and the cast all took their roles seriously and clearly wanted to be a part of this. It's very noticeable and makes you appreciate the experience even more. I'm not sure if there's a forth one on the horizon, though I have heard rumors of a TV show spin off. I'll hold my breath on that one (we still have yet to see the battle where Kraven supposedly kills Lucian) but if done well I suppose I'm game. There's nothing wrong with giving "True Blood" some friendly competition. If you're a fan of the series you HAVE to see it in theaters. This one wasn't rated R, which scared me at first, but there was plenty of gore to go around so I wasn't complaining. I'll be on the lookout for an unrated version when it comes out on DVD, like the 2-disc first chapter. And if I'm lucky, maybe there'll be a box set!

Catch the Underworld: Rise of the Lycans trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnqHbqgPpZc

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OLDIES BUT GOLDIES: The Lost Boys

"Priceless."

After landing on the wrong side of a divorce, Micheal, Sam and their mother Lucy are off to Grandpa's house in Santa Carla to put the pieces back together and get their lives back on track. But the murder capital of the world isn't the easiest place to start over. When Micheal falls for the wrong girl and as a result, into the wrong crowd, he unknowingly begins the transformation from man to vampire. With the help of Frog brothers, Sam must destroy the head vampire before his brother feeds, else his soul will be lost forever.


Oldies but Goldies is a tribute to all the greats and favorites that have since come to pass. With all the crap spewing out of theaters these days, I find it easier and easier to become nostalgic. So to start things off, I give you one of my personal favorites "The Lost Boys". I fucking love this movie and couldn't wait to review it. I know it's easy to say "They don't make em like they used to" but it's so, so true. This is such a rich story, with engrossing and provocative characters you both love and love to hate. It's got romance, comedy, action and horror. I mean shit, what more do you really need? I also find 80's flicks have more heart and soul than the movies of today. Some nights when I watch a movie it feels like a rushed hour and a half of absolute nothing. Other times, I get a hint of these goodies and feel as though a proper story has unfold before my eyes. Though I'll admit the latter to be as rare as a straight flush these days.


"When we grow up, we're gonna have a reality TV show and I'm gonna call it Cocaine....errr, I mean, The Two Coreys. Yeah, yeah, (SNIFF) forget I mentioned anything about cocaine."


The Corey's were quite the phenomenon way back when. They're on screen chemistry is the stuff of legend as you just didn't see this sort of thing back then. We see a bit more of it lately, but it's not the same. Adult chemistry is a bit easier to pull off and thus, expected of our veteran actors. These two had Hollywood (not to mention a legion of fans) eating out of their hands. I'll be honest and say it breaks my heart a little to see what's become of them. And after all the hype, all the years of rewrites and tribulations, the final product that was "Lost Boys 2: The Tribe" left me shaking my head and weeping silently over the deaths of these two great stars of yesterday.

Jason Patrick didn't do so well after this movie either. I didn't care for "Rush", avoided "Speed 2: Cruise control" and really didn't see much of him until he popped up in this past season of "Entourage". The rest of the cast came up here and there in movies or sitcoms but of course the real gem here is my man Kiefer Sutherland. Early hits like this one and "Stand by me" showed us his villainous side but "Young Guns" and "Young Guns 2" quickly added him to the "Hero" roster. And of course these days, you can see him smokin bad guys left, right and center as Jack Bauer in the hit TV series 24. Yes, in case it hasn't become obvious to you by now, I love 24.

"You didn't like Speed 2?! Get outta here, I don't believe it."

The greatest aspect of movies like "The Lost Boys" is the timeless feeling they create for us. This is one of those flicks you can just pop into your DVD player and watch on any given afternoon, two or three times a year even. We all have our "comfort" movies like this, those five or ten gems in your collection just waiting for the next rainy day. That's what I miss. The warm feeling of gratafication I get after watching on of these movies. Yes, you can recite every line. Yes, you know exactly what's gonna happen next. Yes, you've watched it so many times you've lost count. But it doesn't matter, cause it just keeps getting better and better each time you see it. This, ladies and gentlemen is the thought process behind "Oldies but Goldies" and I'll see you soon with my next pick of the litter.

Catch the Lost Boys trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsv_NQFbQzo

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Review: Lakeview Terrace

"I admire your fashionable running shoes."

Chris and Lisa Mattson have decided to try their luck in real estate. They just bought a new house in what appears to be a nice neighbourhood but they may not be as lucky as they thought. Their neighbor Abel is a single parent of two, a strict father, a hard ass cop and what's even worse for this interracial couple, he's a bit of a racist. Things heat up as we see just how far Abel's willing to push and exactly how much Chris is willing to take.

This was next to impossible for me to turn away from, as I love me some Sammie Jackson. Of course, on that note, no amount of love would have seen my ass in a theater seat for "The Spirit". But we can't win em all, so I won't hold that against him. I love hearing Sammie yell at people (I'm not yelling, this is how I talk) and he did his fair share of yelling in this bad boy. He plays the hate driven antagonist (Abel) very well, almost too well. I was very impressed by Patrick Wilson (Chris) two fold: on his performance here as well as his role in "Passengers" with Anne Hathaway which you can expect a review on soon. Kerry Washington did well, I only really remember her as "the blind chick" who wanted some rock hard "Thing" action in the "Fantastic Four" movies. All in all, worthy cast performances.

I found the race card to be a bold move here. Most times this approach is used to illustrate how down right monstrous we treat one another. Usually we have a character (or characters) on a journey of discovery from wrong to right, and often times the result is a powerful lesson/ending. "American History X" was brutal in nature and got under our skin, as opposed to a more subtle approach with the sleeper hit "Crash". I can honestly say there was a journey (Abel's "why" is a bit tragic) but it's by no means a deep revelation. I can't help but think of "Unlawful Entry" here as well. Kurt Russel and Madeline Stowe had a run in with a cop as well. It wasn't a racial story, but it had a similar beat to it.

There is a moral message of unity among races intertwined into this story, but it's shot more like your typical thriller. I still don't fully understand the whole birth control angle, I do feel this could have been handled a bit better to avoid a bit of confusion with the character's intentions. And I gotta hand it to the Mattsons, I'd have dropped that place like a bad habit as things began to escalate out of control. One thing is for certain, life can be messy at times and this is a clear example of how hatred can turn into not only racism but violence. If we can't agree to all get along, let's at least agree to all get loaded. I'm ready to do my part, I just grabbed a drink from my bar fridge. Let the healing begin.

Check out the trailer for Lakeview Terrace here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zUfkBWcBuQ


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It's all about the Benjamins



"....and if you take both pills at the same time, you'll completely forget about the two sequels."


By now, it's safe to assume everyone out there has seen "The Matrix", not to mention the atrocious Reloaded and Revolutions. But did any of you ever stop to think why the first one was so damn good, and the others were utter garbage? There is a reason, and author Sophia Stewart would love to explain it to you. However, coincidentally enough, you'll find yourself a lot like Neo on his journey to find Morpheus (intercepted at every turn) cause this is one story Warner Brothers, the Wachowski brothers and Joel Silver don't want you to hear. In 1981 Stewart had her novel "The Third Eye" copy written, only to find in 1999 (after viewing The Matrix) she'd been ripped off. She'd submitted her story to the Wachowski Brothers by way of a sci-fi short story contest which they blatantly used for the creation of "The Matrix". See more details here: http://www.3blackchicks.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000478.html Thankfully, miss Stewart won her suit against them and will be compensated accordingly. But alas, in the end it is we who suffer. As a result of this nonsense we'll never see what "The Matrix" (or rather its sequels) should have been. And that, truly is a shame.


"Easily one of the best books I've ever read."


Another dirty scandal came in the form of a french gore fest called "High Tension" released back in 2003. I'll never forget my anger that night. I'd recently gotten into Dean Koontz's work and had just finished reading "Intensity" and was hot on the trail of the made for TV movie adaption when I came across this steaming nugget of plagiarism. I didn't know it at the time of course, I was fishing for something to watch at B.Buster and the pull of desperate times was upon me yet again. I got home and started it up, instantly feeling something wrong in the first ten minutes. About fifteen minutes in, "High Tension" ceased to exist and I was now watching "Intensity", or rather some jackass's twisted version of it. I was beyond angry, cursing and yelling at the TV. As I writer, this goes beyond insult and I just couldn't get my mind around it. I later wrote to Mr. Koontz for answers (and instructions on how to find the TV version of Intensity) and he was kind enough to write me back assuring me this "situation" was being dealt with. Now, I'm glad to hear both stories had a happy ending and all, but it really depresses me to know this kind of shit happens........and apparently on a regular basis in Hollywood. Bottom line folks (and especially to all you writers out there) copyright your work and be damn careful what you do with it and who you show it to. There's clearly no room for the naive in Hollywood. It's all about money.

"And now to find Mr. Koontz before he watches this and presses charges."

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Review: Heroes Season Three



Peter's future self travels back in time to kill Nathan and prevent a hostile future where powers are up for grabs to the highest bidder and our lone Heroes are being hunted down one by one. Another season and another ripple effect have everyone scrambling to get hold of two pieces of a formula, which can create a serum to bestow random powers upon anyone. Meanwhile, Sylar has his powers back and is out for blood. Add to that, the sudden return of Arthur Petrelli and a team of villains who will stop at nothing to get the formula, even if it means destroying the earth in the process.

The first season of Heroes aired back when I wasn't watching much TV. That summer, I had a good friend (Yes Aaron, I mean you) tell me I needed to watch it. He said and I quote, "Heroes is everything the X-men movies should have been." That's a bold statement right there. And most certainly one I couldn't ignore. Though I don't know if Heroes is necessarily on the same level as X-men (lets be real, Wolverine would make short work of most of those pussies) I certainly love the idea of bringing Superhero type action to the TV screen. Well, let me correct myself, bringing it to the TV screen in a serious manner. Now, I'll be honest and say the catch phrase, "Save the cheerleader. Save the world." didn't exactly start a party in my pants. Needless to say, I was hooked after the first episode.

The cast are an interesting bunch. Claire, Peter, Nathan, Suresh, Hiro, Matt, Noah and Sylar pretty much lead the affair. Season two was......awkward, there were many a throwaway character introduced and it began to show as the pace slowed to a crawl. I blame this (partially) upon the writer's strike, which pretty much kicked a lot of shows in the nuts last season. I know they got reamed for it though, and went back to the basics with season three. Ali Larter's character was a bit off to me, and still a bit unclear. Getting rid of Mia and all that ridiculousness was a good move, and the Suresh monster thing suited the story in a "play with fire and you'll get burned" kinda way. Arthur Petrelli was a shitty villain, plain and simple. I really didn't care for him. And his power, (absorbing the powers of others) ummm, I think we kinda already had enough of that going around. I give their lack of originality four thumbs down. I also didn't like how Peter lost his powers, that was kinda dumb. The eclipse was a cool idea and I dug Nathan's turn at the end. However, all the "main bad guys" like Arthur, Linderman and even Nathan are all one in the same really. We need a fresh villain makeup come season four.

I heard through the grapevine Heroes was bringing in new writers for season four. Apparently, we had a bit of a "Mission Impossible" crisis on our hands. We all remember "Mission Impossible" right? Great Tom Cruise flick.....oh, until people started complaining it was hard to follow and just too damn complicated. Riiiiight. Only in a world this ridiculous, can the brain dead simpletons actually get heard and have an effect on things. My point? Well, as a result of this, "Mission Impossible 2" was significantly dummied down for those slow people out there. The same thing is rumored to be happening to Heroes. I guess the timeline was just too complex a theory for some people so they gotta break the next season down into "big dummy terms". Sounds exhilarating. Oops, a word with five syllables, I hope I didn't confuse anyone. Not to worry, I'm sure those sorts of people don't do much in the way of reading.

My hatred for incompetence aside, Heroes is a fun show for me. I'm just glad they kept Sylar around, Zachery Quinto carries the show in my opinion. LONG LIVE SYLAR! Season four looks to be the beginning of the very future Peter tried to stop, but ultimately, we all knew it was headed in that direction anyway. I just hope we get to see more of Hiro's future side, the sword wielding bad ass from season one. I love Hiro either way, he and Ando make me laugh, but it wouldn't hurt to see him kick some more ass. Volume four "Fugitives" airs this fall, lets just hope they keep up the good work.

Catch the trailer for Heroes season three here: http://www.zath.co.uk/heroes-season-3-trailer/

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To "B" or not to "B"

"I don't care what anyone says, he's always gonna be the man."


Being an avid movie fan isn't always as easy and glamorous as one might think. When I was in Junior High, my buddy Rob's older brother worked at a video store called "Video Tech". And as a result, we pretty much lived there, harassing the living bejesus out of poor Mark (or whoever else happened to be working) by always asking "What's good, that's in?" He got us back good though, by tricking us into renting "The Crying Game". I still have nightmares. Blowing through all the good movies in no time, "Grade B" quickly became a household term. "B" movies are clearly hit or miss.......though to be honest, back then they were mostly miss. And when I say miss, I mean the kinda turd that brings you to tears (not because it's sad) and has you praying at the side of your bed late at night asking God for a lobotomy. I've seen my fair share of those. So for the longest time, I'd avoid the grade "B" flicks unless I found myself utterly desperate.

"I sincerely hope you get chomped in the nuts, douchebag."

Set desperation usually surfaced by way of sequels. Oh, you'd get lucky from time to time, but it still felt like Russian Roulette. "Kickboxer" was the shit. "Kickboxer 2: The road home".......well, not so much. I may as well come clean and admit to watching "Kickboxer 3" and 4 as well, I told you, these were desperate times. Grade "B" flicks did put guys like Loren Avadon (No Retreat, No Surrender 1-3, King of the Kickboxers) and Jeff Speakman (The Perfect Weapon, Street Knight) on the map, not to mention the beloved Bruce Campbell with his "Evil Dead" series. However, then we get the Hollywood butterfly effect. A luke warm movie like "Boogyman" hits theaters (we see this A LOT in horror) and on come the "B" movie offspring. Another example being the "Pulse" series. I admit to liking the first one, but Jesus, it feels like I see a new bullshit sequel on the shelves every six months. Then there's my favorite angle, the sequels with awkwardly placed lead actors like David Hasselhoff on the cover of "Anaconda 3." Sigh. Who are these writers/casting agents and where can I find them, so I can beat them to death with a copy of "Slap Shot 3: The junior league!?"


"No, he doesn't play Jesus."

Suffice to say there's more than a few abysmal "B" movies circulating out there, but here's a twist even Keyser Soze wouldn't have even seen coming. Lately, I've watched a handful of "B" movies that were not only fantastic but actually better than their big budget "A" list siblings. I know, I hardly thought it was possible, but I kid you not folks. You saw my top 10 of 08 (and if you haven't, shame on you, it's my first site entry) and a little gem by the name of "Felon" was on the list. A grade "B" movie on my top 10......I never thought I'd see the day. A fluke perhaps? A valid notion, but yet another "B" movie has recently left me captivated. "The Lazarus Project", with my man Paul Walker. I was gonna throw it a review, naturally, but it's one of those flicks who's premise is easily spoiled and kinda hard to get around from a review perspective. I don't like to give away all the goodies in a review, but suffice to say this film is worth the watch and simply had to be mentioned. "B" movies used to make me quiver, but time's have changed and I'm proud to say a great deal of "B" flicks are worth checking out these days. Just be mindful. The key to spotting a poor "B" flick is the trailer, the bad ones always manage to reveal the entire movie in two to three minutes.

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