Total Recall remake?!

"Yes. I would totally nail a chick with three boobs. Totally."

So it's come to this. Hollywood has reached such dire straits that they're now remaking films from the nineties? Jesus Christ. There are a great many movies out there I would toss on the ol remake wagon, but come on, TOTAL RECALL? This was one of Arnie's best, and not just his best, one of the genre's best as well. It had everything you could possibly want in an action flick. And who in the hell is gonna fill Arnie's shoes? Sigh. Getting the rights and making a sequel would be one thing, but the idea of a remake just makes my dick ache.

I even hear they're looking to remake THE NEVERENDING STORY as well. Nothing spells "money" like the scene when Atreyu finds G'mork and says it's him he's been looking for and to shut up and bring it.

Oh, and just in case they decide to completely screw up the new TOTAL RECALL, (which I have a funny feeling they will) I decided to throw you all a pic of the chick with the infamous extra boobie. Why? Because I fear her legendary cleavage may not make the cut. What a shame.

My Two Cents: "So honestly, would YOU ever take a Recall Vacation?"

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Review: PUNISHER WARZONE

"I spy with my fucked up eye, one hell of a body count."

It's funny. I avoided this movie in theaters because of the GOD AWFUL reviews it received. That, and I really just didn't get around to it. I mean, people were lining up to take pot shots at Frank's latest adventure and they were going for the kill shot I assure you. So naturally, when I sat down to watch it, I had next to no expectations. But I didn't even get ten minutes in before I realized just how much I was into this film. I was loving it, and continued to love it until the very end. This movie was classic comic book fare, and as far as PUNISHER is concerned, justice was served.

Now before anyone gets bent out of shape, let me explain something. PUNISHER isn't SPIDERMAN. He isn't BATMAN or the X-MEN either. He's a one man killing machine a lot like Jason Voorhees only instead of avenging his mom, he's avenging his family. And like Jason, he won't stop. Ever. This movie was gory, it was brutal and it bent over for no man. And that's exactly what I want in a PUNISHER movie. Yeah, I was pissed Thomas Jane didn't make the cut, but Ray Stevenson did Castle proud. And as much as I hate to admit it, his likeness was more akin to Frank's then Jane's was. Sorry TJ. Dominic West was cool as Jigsaw though I can't help but think they used this villain primarily because his name got popular exposure with the SAW films. I knew of Jigsaw, but to be honest, there's a ton of better villains they could have used. Shit, his brother was cooler than he was for Christ sake. The dialogue was a double helping of cheese if I ever heard one, but it is a comic book movie after all. Julie Benz pops up for a minor role, though I never really get tired of seeing her on screen. SEINFELD's Wayne Knight (Newman) also makes an appearance as well as Colin Salmon who fan boys will remember as the dude who got totally FUBAR'd by the laser defense system in the first RESIDENT EVIL flick. Which was probably one of the coolest death scenes ever.

Mindless action is right up my alley, so I was right at home here with the blood and body parts a flying and the bullets a whizzing past my head. Well, at least it sounds like they are with my surround sound system. Coincidentally, we learn Frank is a much better shot than the slew of baddies he smokes. He does get shot four or five times (which was cool to see) but then again, he's wearing a bullet proof vest and the bullets always seem to hit him in the chest or back. Watching him realign his nose was something else. Keeping PUNISHER in "R" territory was smart. Sure, one could argue they over did it a bit, but then again, I'm sure your head does pop like a balloon full of red paint when shot with a big gun. I'd definitely be excited by the prospect of yet another PUNISHER. Just don't change actors again guys, it really puts a strain on things.

Catch the PUNISHER WARZONE trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkxLWWiz5O8

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Nick Fury problem solved!

"Despite the fact Nick Fury is WHITE in the comics, there ain't a white guy on the planet who could do a better job than Sammie L. Jackson."

Well color me surprised, but happy! Fresh on the tail of an article bashing the idiocy of Marvel Enterprises, a thin ray of hope cuts the darkness surrounding not only IRON MAN 2, but a slew of other Marvel projects. Apparently the boys over at Marvel are starting (they still have a ways to go yet) to come to their senses. Samuel L. Jackson will reprise his role as Nick Fury not only in the IRON MAN sequel, but eight other Marvel movies as well!

I love what Marvel are doing with this. Connecting the films, I mean. What we saw with IRON MAN and HULK were just a taste of what's to come. We have CAPTAIN AMERICA, THOR, and ultimately THE AVENGERS. Nick Fury plays a vital role in all these films, helping as a glue to hold these many heroes together. This is great news, but it doesn't solve all Marvel's problems. They need to keep their heads out of their asses over there, and this is certainly a step toward doing so. Lets hope we see a few more steps in the not so distant future.

My Two Cents: "Nick Fury, Captain America and believe it or not, Reed Richards are three major players in the Marvel universe during times of crisis. My dream is to one day see Thanos and The Infinite Gauntlet come into play."

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3 minutes of Watchmen

"I'm gonna rip out your heart, put my foot in your ass, and punch a hole straight through your face all at the same time."

Just about a week left till WATCHMEN hits a midnight showing near you. Some reviews are already out, and lets just say they're mixed at best. Can't give you my two cents till I see it, but rest assured I'll be first in line. But here's a cool three minute clip to tide you over. Enjoy.

WATCHMEN 3 MINUTE CLIP: http://www.joblo.com/3-mins-of-watchmen

My Two Cents: "I read just last week that the extended director's cut (out in July) will be three hours long. Sounds good to me."

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Iron Man 2 cast still a mess

"To put it Bluntly, she would have been perfect."

Fucking Marvel. For a company who went bankrupt not so long ago, they sure have let a few great movies go to their heads. First, they replace Terrence Howard, (which was dumb) then they low ball Sammy Jackson about his role as Nick Fury, (you know that was one of the best parts about Iron Man) and then they low ball Rourke with a bullshit offer of $250. 000 to play the main villain Dynamo? What the hell Marvel? Iron Man may not have hit the billion dollar mark, but it was received very well. Much better than anticipated. So why get stingy all of a sudden?

Marvel isn't really to blame for Emily Blunt's situation, but this doesn't help their case in my eyes. Apparently, Blunt was on cue to play Black Widow until FOX called an existing contract (still valid and connected to her contract for DEVIL WEARS PRADA) into play and now she has to star with Jack Black in GULLIVER'S TRAVELS. Yeah, cause they haven't already told that ridiculous story at least five times in movie form. Jesus, it reminds me of BEOWULF. I'm sure she's ecstatic. Why does it seem like Hollywood is falling apart?

My Two Cents: "I really enjoyed THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA. Yeah, I fucking said it."

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A BILLION reasons to love The Dark Knight

"Don't lose this card. It'll be worth a ton of cash on eBay very soon."

Well fresh of the presses is news that THE DARK KNIGHT is now the fourth flick to hit the billion dollar mark. Nope, that's not a typo. The other four were TITANIC, (surprise, surprise) RETURN OF THE KING, (booya bitches!) DEAD MAN'S CHEST. (one and two were good, third one not so much)

I love the news, but I can't help but wonder how Nolan's taking this. It's not like the man's under enough pressure to keep the Bat-wheels a rolling. Then again, BATMAN BEGINS was a major success and it didn't go to his head. Chances are this won't either.

My Two Cents: "I hate the Oscars, but was happy to hear Heath won. Still, one can't help but wonder if his death played a role in this victory."

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Review: TAKEN

"Guess I'm pretty lucky, aren't I bitch?"

Bryan Mills spent most of his life working special missions for the government, and as a result screwed up his marriage and missed most of his daughter's childhood. Now a retired Dad just trying to rekindle his relationship with his little girl, his must now return to his old ways when a trip to Paris goes wrong and she is kidnapped by a group of criminals planning to sell her on the black market.

TAKEN's gritty trailer did it for me. When Liam Neeson's on the phone talking about the skills he's acquired over the years and how he'll hunt down and kill these mofo's if they don't give back his daughter, I got goosebumps. Especially when dude decides to be a smart ass and say "Good luck". We watch movies about men (and women) with what appear to be cool jobs in the government or what have you, and we think "wow, I wish I had a job like that." And then there are the Doctors, Lawyers and various other employment options we also look up to. The harsh reality is that a lot of times these jobs consume us and can easily destroy our families much like what happened to Bryan Mills. You feel for his character, giving everything up to battle for his daughters love. And it didn't look easy, his wife having moved on with some rich douche. It's funny, they never appreciate you till they need you. Kids.

Liam Neeson is on fire here, reminding me a lot of Denzel in MAN ON FIRE. Both men so driven and relentless. These bad guys really don't see him coming, and it's an absolute pleasure watching him beat the piss outta guy after guy. My personal fave was Peter getting smoked MEET JOE BLACK style. Famke Janssen played a minor role as Lennore, the remarried (and very bitchy) ex-wife who clearly loathes the very sight of her old flame. Oh but she sure changes her tune when their daughter gets kidnapped. Ain't that a "B". Maggie Grace plays Kim, the damsel in distress about to be sold for a half mil. Virgins sure are expensive these days, damn! Like her mom, she kinda takes the back seat in this adventure. It was cool to see Katie Cassidy (last seasons Ruby from Supernatural) as Amanda, even though you don't see much of her. There's also a slew of throwaway baddies who meet their demise at Bryan's hands. I was very partial to the electric chair.

TAKEN was a great espionage like thriller which completely exceeded my expectations. Not to say I didn't think I'd enjoy it, but as you can see by the lateness of this review (it came out three weeks ago) I was in no real hurry to see it. Neeson is great, he truly is. It feels like ROB ROY was so long ago now, and then there was THE HAUNTING and EPISODE I, Neeson being one of the main reasons I watched them. His portrayal of Ras Al-Gul proved he still had what it takes to bring the pain, and TAKEN renews this theory. Neeson is yet another underrated Hollywood actor, but taking on projects like this one is a sure fire way of getting back to the top. Sure, they could have pushed for an "R" rating here, but honestly, I think the movie did just fine as is. I was pleased and highly recommend it.

Catch the trailer for TAKEN here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUxdQ4q-Lg

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T4 possibly gets Hamilton

"So you made a TV series without me did ya? Please, come closer."

It's kinda hard to forget Linda Hamilton's vision of Sarah Connor from T1 and T2. Her character's sheer ferocity alone in T2 easily earned her a spot amongst the greatest bad ass chicks of all time. You'll also remember her monologues which served as prologue and epilogue in the first two films. She wasn't in T3, but then again, I don't really blame her. The good news is, she's currently in negotiations for a "voice over" in this summer's TERMINATOR: SALVATION. I know what you're thinking though, didn't Bale give one of those monologues in the trailer. Yes he did. I'm assuming it was either for the trailer specifically or maybe it was a backup. Either way, it would be cool to hear Sarah Connors side of things this summer. Here's hoping negotiations go well.

My Two Cents: "Linda Hamilton was pretty popular back in the day and really hot at one point. But after seeing TERMINATOR 2, her sex appeal diminished quite rapidly."

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Chick attacks Jason

"Excuse me miss, mind if I axe you a question? Apparently she did."

Well here's a touch of irony if I've ever heard one. Last Friday at a launch party for FRIDAY THE 13TH, actor Warrington Gillette (who played Jason in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2) decided to be the life of the party and show up in full Jason garb, sporting not only the mask but a real axe to go with it. He decided to have a little fun, taking the stage to scare a few guests and some random chick (thinking the spectacle was real) jumped the poor guy and tried to wrestle the axe away from him. She ended up slashing the man's hand open in the process. I guess if you're not careful too much Lemon Gin won't only remove your panties, it could quite possibly remove a hand as well. I wonder who's more embarrassed, him or her?

My Two Cents: "I'd have split the dumb bitch in half. But that's just me."

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3 Wolverine TV Spots

"Now THAT is the Star Wars movie I want to see!"

Well folks, summer approaches and with it one of the biggest movie events of the year in my opinion. X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE. These past few days have brought us three TV spots, I waited till all were online to throw them your way. I don't want to ruin any of the movie (SIGH) but I just can't help but watch EVERY clip that comes online. There's a montage of WATCHMEN ones floating around too, but I remain strong and only watched one of those. WATCHMEN will be here in two or three weeks vs WOLVERINE which won't be here till may. Anyway, enjoy the clips, they're pretty bad ass.

WOLVERINE Clip 1: http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=wolvietvspot1

WOLVERINE Clip 2: http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=wolvietvspot2

WOLVERINE Clip 3: http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=wolvietvspot3

My Two Cents: "Well, I heard someone on the production team say this film would be well under two hours. Yet, I sat through nearly two and a half hours of CHANGELING. I don't know about you, but I could sit through three hours of WOLVERINE. Easy."

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Schwarzenegger is Expendable

"In politics, bad news is much easier to take when you deliver it with a smile."

Well THE EXPENDABLES just got a little bigger, if you can believe it. Don't ask me how, but Sly got none other than Arnie himself to give us a cameo in the film! Now before you get a picture in your head of Arnold smoking cigars and trying to outwit the PREDATOR, or taking on the population of a small country like he did in COMMANDO, please let me explain the fine print. Apparently, this cameo is of him (playing himself) the governor of California. I know, I'm scratching my head too. But then again, it's Sly behind the wheel here so I'm sure he'll make it good. I'm not sure the film can get any bigger than this, and will all this hype, Sly has got to deliver the goods here or there's gonna be hell to pay. Ben Kingsley apparently got replaced by Eric Roberts which is fine by me, I like Kingsley but Roberts seems the better fit for this sort of movie. But enough talk! I wanna see a trailer!

My Two Cents: "This will be the first time Sly and Arnie share the stage. No, it may not be exactly what we want it to be, but it's still pretty awesome."

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JCVD on Bloodsport 2

"This is still one of my all time favorite martial arts flicks. Why ruin it with a bullshit sequel?"

I've always been a HUGE Van Damme fan. I don't care if his movies have no real plot value. I don't care if they were all pretty much the same thing. I don't care about the drug scandal. Hell, I even forgave him for doing a movie with that jackass Dennis Rodman. But after reading his thoughts on a BLOODSPORT sequel today, I find myself a bit perplexed.

Now before I open up that can of worms, I'd like to share my thoughts on his latest flick JCVD. When I'd seen the trailer and heard about the concept I was happy as hell to see Van Damme back in action. The version of the film I saw however, was completely in French without subtitles. I speak French, but the subtitles would have been nice.

Seeing him turn down a role in THE EXPENDABLES was disappointing enough but what he had to say about BLOODSPORT 2 was absolutely ridiculous. Here's a quote: “You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2. Which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son."

Yep, you read correctly. Apparently "abuse" is not only mature, but a KICKASS premise for a sequel to a martial arts epic like BLOODSPORT! Jesus, whatever praise I had for Van Damme's return to movies evaporated with those words. I recently watched AGAINST THE DARK Steven Seagal's newest montage of straight to DVD crap. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him and Keith David and the pitiful state in which their careers have become. But hell, at least I know I'll never see Seagal in UNDER SIEGE 3: KICKING THE PISS OUT OF MY SON. Is it me, or are people in Hollywood really starting to lose it?

See Van Damme's full interview here http://www.totalfilm.com/news/van-damme-is-making-bloodsport-2?cid=OTC-RSS&attr=news

My Two Cents: "BLOODSPORT was based upon the real life experiences of martial artist Frank W. Dux, played by Van Damme. I'm sure Frank will be overjoyed to hear the direction his character will take in the sequel."

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Review: TRANSPORTER 3

"Alright, I take it back. Prison Break IS the best show on Television."

Frank Martin is back only this time the rules have changed. Forced into a job he didn't want, Frank must deliver a girl to Budapest if he's to get out of this alive. But there is one catch, the bracelet on his arm is linked to a wired GPS in the car and will blow if he gets farther than seventyfive feet away.

I remember the first TRANSPORTER flick coming out of nowhere. But it wasn't the movie that stuck out in my mind per say, it was Statham himself. Rather, the fact that he was giving several men the beat down of their lives in the trailer using all sorts of cool martial arts moves. I remember thinking to myself, that's the guy from SNATCH and THE ONE. When the fuck did he learn martial arts? Indeed, up until then, he was played supporting roles and never put those great moves to use, which is what made me really wanna check out TRANSPORTER. Sure, there were more than a couple "far fetched" concepts, but ultimately, the action was good, the fighting was awesome and I loved Frank's attitude. The second one was a lot of fun as well. But when you get to a "part 3" of a franchise like this one you really do need to have a sharper edge. Was TRANSPORTER 3 sharp? It wasn't dull. The bracelet was a nice touch, adding a new level of depth to his regular proceedings. This is still a mindless action flick, which you know going in, so it's safe to say you're not expecting much more than what's given.

Jason Statham is in good form as the man on a mission Frank Martin. And not just good form, this guy's in perfect shape as well. He's got that chiseled athletic look, much like Daniel Craig in the last couple Bond flicks. The fighting was top notch and the over the top stunts (love the car in the lake bit) were fun. It's nice to see PRISON BREAK launched Robert Knepper's career. He's awesome here as Johnson, Frank's Nemesis. Knepper's a fantastic actor and I love the fact he's been popping up in films all over the place lately. I think he adds to the flavor rather well. Not to mention he continues to please as T-Bag in PRISON BREAK. Natalya Rudakova is the "package" Valentina who's soul purpose in this film seems to be to add a layer of sensitivity to Frank's character. Did I buy it? Well, I'll say this much, it's better to see him with a woman than imagine him with another man. And just so you understand my meaning, earlier this year the writers told the press that Frank's character was written in a way to make you assume he was gay. Between that, and the Dumbledore announcement, I'm starting to wonder where in God's name they find these writers.

TRANSPORTER 3 does exactly what it's meant to do. Bring on the action. This sort of film is not meant to be taken seriously, or dissected scene by scene. It's an adrenaline ride with cool stunts, explosions and lots of ass kicking. Again, if you're renting "part 3" of something, you should know all there is to know about the character and what he'll be up to. So bearing that in mind, this instalment was indeed worthwhile, but I'll rock the boat a bit by saying I see no need for a fourth. Perhaps Jason is in agreeance with me, and as such, could be why he went back to CRANK which has a sequel hitting theaters very soon. I prefer the CRANK series to this one, but all in all, it's Statham who makes ether franchise work. I think he's just what us action junkies need right now. I just hope he takes on the role of DAREDEVIL. That would be something to really get excited about.

Catch the TRANSPORTER 3 trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTEUHUrGsn8

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Uwe Boll WANTS YOU......to finance his next movie

"You can trusts me with your moneys. I makes good movies."

Just when you thought the great Uwe Boll couldn't sink any deeper, out comes the iceberg that sank the titanic. So Mr. Boll has a new movie coming out, or rather a new movie that COULD be coming out. With our help. All he needs is you, or I and a few hundred thousand others to donate $49 US until he reaches the modestly estimated budget of (drum roll) $18, 500, 000. You can see this magnificent website here: http://www.theblackoutfilm.com/index_engl.htm

And believe me, you have to see it to believe it. He's even willing to throw in a limited edition DVD (that you couldn't even GIVE away) of the film when it comes out. Oh, and he promises to refund forty (of the forty-nine) bucks if it doesn't get made. How nice of him. If that's not enough to send you dashing for a credit card, you'll also be entered in a raffle or two (they're real I promise) and could walk away with some extra cash or even get flown out to the set to be part of the film. Yeah, cause BEING AN EXTRA IN A UWE BOLL MOVIE is definitely top five on my list of things I need to do before I die. Right under PERFORM MY OWN CIRCUMCISION WITH A PAPERCLIP.

That's not even the best part. He says the "big name" on the set is Ralf Moller. No, you probly won't know him by name, but he's the huge mofo in GLADIATOR who fights alongside Russel Crow and Djimon Hounsou in the pit. He also played the main baddie Brakus in BEST OF THE BEST 2 and GR76 in UNIVERSAL SOLDIER. Why am I making mention of this? Well, one of Uwe's great tag lines about his "big name" is that you've seen in "some films with Arnold Schwarzenegger" which is FUCKING HILARIOUS and I'll tell you why. The pic he has of Ralf (above the Arnie caption) is a pic from GLADIATOR. Now, in his (cough) infinite wisdom, Uwe has managed to confuse his actors. There is an actor in GLADIATOR who IS in a pile of Arnie flicks and this man's name is Sven-Ole Thorsen. He's the guy with the cool ass mask who fights Russel Crow one on one. It seems Mr. Boll got his facts a bit messed up. SIGH. Please Uwe, can I really send you my money? Uwe Boll ladies and gentlemen. Uwe FUCKING Boll.

And if that's not enough to convince you please watch the following video. Again, or for the first time, the message remains the same. Uwe Boll needs to die. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTEUHUrGsn8

My Two Cents: "I still can't figure out how in the name of Christ Boll convinced Jason Statham to star in one of his movies."

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Review: FRIDAY THE 13TH

"Like...NO WAY! I think that creepy looking hockey player totally saw my boobs."

A group of teens head off into the woods near Camp Crystal Lake in search of a huge marijuana stash. What they don't realize is these are Jason's woods and he's not much for company. Clay Miller shows up a month later looking for his missing sister, completely unprepared for what he's about to uncover.

What better way to kick off Valentine's day than a trip back to Camp Crystal Lake. It's been awhile. First off, I love the FRIDAY THE 13TH movies, always have, and the boys over at Platinum Dunes have really done their homework. This film is assumed to take place somewhere between parts 3 and 4 of the originals, which they pay homage to with Jason's wheat bag mask, until he finds the hockey replacement. Crystal Lake looks better than ever and the tone is set to put the fear back in Jason's name. Micheal Bay clearly doesn't just sit around the house playing with Transformers all day, he's mapped out the perfect formula for horror. We got a good taste of it in TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and then earlier this year with THE UNBORN. Bay pays homage to the series and still manages to give fans exactly what they wanna see. Jason's "hunter" persona has gotten a bit of scrutiny but I think it worked out rather well. I mean, this kid grew up in the woods like Tarzan, forced to become a predator. And the deadliest kind too, one hell bent on revenge for the death of his mother. My advice, stay the fuck out of those woods.

Nothing made me happier than to see my man Jared Padalecki (aka Sam Winchester from my favorite show SUPERNATURAL) finally tearing up the big screen. It being in a FRIDAY THE 13TH movie is ironic as hell. Last season in SUPERNATURAL, they were supposed to have an episode involving none other than Jason Voorhees himself, but sadly the idea got stuck in red tape and there was a legal issue over rights so it didn't happen. But FRIDAYS's man of the hour is definitely Derrick Mears, the man behind the mask. No offense to Kane Hodder, but Derick brought Jason to life here in a younger, grittier and far more offensive fashion. Gone are the old days when he'd walk slowly behind you, letting you get a head start. He sees you, your toast. End of story. There was a great cast of throwaway teens, not mention full blown hotties eager to show off their "assets" before meeting a brutal demise. My smile was ear to ear I assure you.

The only thing I didn't really care for (other than Jason's clear lack of respect for perfect breasts) was the final ending of the film. I'm not one to discuss the ending ordinarily, but come on, this is a FRIDAY THE 13TH film not THE SIXTH SENSE. You already know what's gonna happen. The whole dumping him in the water, only to have him jump back up. That's the payoff? Really? How many fucking times have I seen Jason jump up outta the fucking lake!? Jesus, for a guy who's afraid of the water, he sure does spend an awful lot of time in there. They should have left him at the wood chipper, let some poor bastard find him and start part two off with a bang. Ah well, nothings ever perfect I guess. Part two is already on the discussion table, pending this one's success at the box office. I'm not much for sequels as a rule, but in this case I would certainly welcome a couple more. Bay's crew are also the ones putting together a NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET revamp, in case you didn't know. That one will be risky. Jason's not overly complex, you slap a mask on and go. It's not like he's one for small talk. Freddy's quite different. Robert England will be HARD as hell to replace and it could make or break the film. Of course, not so long ago, people scoffed at the notion of Heath Ledger as the Joker. And look how well he did. I'm sure Bay has it covered. He's fast becoming the new Master of horror.

Catch the FRIDAY THE 13TH trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_hO1m0SgZc

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Wachowskis get Superman?

"HEY, I can see Uranus!"

SUPERMAN RETURNS got mixed reactions, not exactly what the studios were shooting for. Personally, I love Superman and have since I was a kid. I grew up watching Christopher Reeve (may he rest in peace) later got into SMALLVILLE and like most people, was really looking forward to Superman's return to the big screen. I liked the arc of him coming back a few years later, but the love story between him and Loise just didn't feel right. Talk of the next chapter THE MAN OF STEEL began almost immediately, despite the reviews but never seemed to go anywhere. I now hear Brian Singer's officially out of the director's chair and Warner Brothers are considering (sigh) the Wachowskis.

To say I'm not a fan of theirs would be an understatement. But it seems Warner Brothers wants them to "Matrix the franchise up" with a trilogy. I'm not saying they'll do a bad job, but I'm not excited by the news either. These guys appear to know a little about how to make an action flick epic, and with hundreds upon hundred of comics at their disposal, they shouldn't have to try and steal any one's stories this time around. The real question is whether or not they'll bring back Brandon Routh. I hope so, he did a solid job in the last one, and if they aren't gonna hand the role over to my man Tom Welling, it should definitely go to Routh.

My Two Cents: "They added Doomsday to the roster of this season's SMALLVILLE. I'm dying to see how that plays out."

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WTF is wrong with Joaquin Phoenix?!

"Excuse me sir, can you spare some change?"

All jokes aside, I do understand that sometimes celebrities break down, or go through certain...changes. We have Garth Brooks, who took on the persona of a fictitious rock star Chris Gaines awhile back. Of course in Garth's defense, at least both persona's were those of musicians. Paris Hilton had a "religious" experience in jail and Jessica Simpson put on a couple pounds. These aren't things I usually let tax my day. Now I'd been hearing this and that about Joaquin Phoenix, and I'd seen a few pics (like the one above) which surely aren't doing him any justice. If he came up to me on the street, I'd be totally confused. Do I...A: Run, B: Give him money, or C: Drop to my knees and punch him square in the testicles. Let's just hope I never have to find out.

I decided to watch his latest escapade on Letterman, hoping to God these rumors were being blown out of proportion. All I say is this. For once, the gossip is indeed justified. I had nothing but mad respect for this man after his performance in GLADIATOR and he just continued to soar from there. I can honestly say I have no fucking idea what could possibly be going through his head. I can only speculate that this may be the work of the TWILIGHT ZONE, or perhaps he stumbled through a dimensional rift to an alternate reality like in Jet Li's THE ONE, sticking us with the pathetic version we see here. Or maybe, just maybe, M. Night Shyamalan's movie SIGNS was real, and Joaquin was overexposed to the aliens and it took this long for it to kick in. The truth is out there people. Most likely somewhere in that beard.

Watch the Letterman clip here: http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=joaquinletterman

My Two Cents: "Maybe Joaquin will recruit Gary Busy into his band. I'd pay money to see those two on stage trying to rap."

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Review: BODY OF LIES

"Is it me, or does EVERYONE here look like they wanna kick my teeth in?"

Roger Ferris is a CIA agent deep under cover in the hostile Middle Eastern city of Jordan. After getting a lead on a major terrorist leader already bombing civilian targets, he enlists the aid of Jordanian Intelligence as well as those back in Washington. Not all parties see eye to eye however, creating a seperate war of trust from within.

I'm not really huge on political war movies. However, I really enjoyed THE KINGDOM and thought this looked similar enough to be worth watching. And I'm a big Leo fan. BODY OF LIES captures the raw tension of men out of their element rather well. It's not the movie I have a hard time with, mostly the idea behind it. I don't like the idea of sending troops (Canadian, American, or otherwise) to foreign places such as the Middle East. It's not because I'm heartless, but simply because you can't force change, no matter how hard you push. Not to mention, most people push back. Poor Leo's running around trying to bring justice to those outside of our justice system. I mean it's like the missionaries heading to the farthest reaches of wild Africa trying to push God to the Godless, and then you hear a "SHNICK". "Why yes, sister Mary, I would love to continue preaching the gospel but there appears to be a spear protruding from my chest." The religious folk from the last RAMBO movie ran into a similar problem. I don't know about you, but I sure as hell wouldn't wanna run through a mine field. Yet, there's Leo, knee deep in the shit with his dick (literally at the end) on the chopping block, while the suits at Langley sit back in their comfy chairs with their neat looking phones and their fingers on a button.

Leo did a pretty good job here, taking on the brooking character attributes he had in THE DEPARTED. It was good to seeing him again, I feel like it's been forever since he released something. Russel Crowe plays Ed Hoffman, Leo's smooth talking, desk jockey boss who often times says one thing but means (and does) the opposite. It's scary to know it's people like Hoffman who pull the strings in times of war. That's the thing about war, it hasn't changed, the bureaucrats make all the decisions from the offices far far away and the soldiers on the ground remain expendable assets, easily replaced by the next guy in line. Mark Strong gives another stellar performance (I say another cause I just saw him in ROCKIN ROLLA) as Hani, the chief of Jordanian Intelligence. I find it quite funny (though not surprising) to see Hani's men do more than the American soldiers could ever do in this film. All the more reason I don't think our soldiers should be over there in the first place.

BODY OF LIES ran a bit long, but then again these sorts of films often do. Or at least it feels like they do. I enjoyed the movie, but found myself angered by the content. That's just me though, as I said, I'm not a big fan of war and politics pertaining to war. The most patriotic I get is by playing METAL GEAR games, and even then I feel for Snake as he ends up being an expendable soldier who always seems to get the short end of the stick. The cast and performances got me through this film, if you're a fan of Leo or Russel, you'll no doubt enjoy this. Russel hasn't done much of anything lately, at least nothing worth mentioning, but he will be playing the Sheriff of Nottingham in the new ROBIN HOOD flick. I know, I didn't exactly see the need for another ROBIN HOOD either. Sigh. Kevin Costner's will always be my favorite.

Catch the BODY OF LIES trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avqlxiXmPtM

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Berverly Hills Cop 4 will be rated "R"

"That's right Ratner, give us one good reason why we shouldn't blow your nuts off."

The first two BEVERLY HILLS COP movies are not only two of my favorite flicks of all time, they're also two of the best buddy cop movies of all time. The third one did nothing but mark the beginning of the end for the great icon known as Eddie Murphy. I don't have to tell you how bad Eddie needs a hit right now. BEVERLY HILLS COP 4 has been stuck in a whirlwind for awhile now, and who can say they're surprised with the state of Murphy's career. A fourth film could be good for both parties, Murphy and the fans, but only if done correctly. Brett Ratner in the directors chair certainly isn't a good sign.

Ratner's trying to sell us on this deal by attaching an "R" rating to the film. True, this is a step in the right direction, but how the hell can you have a successful Axel Foley if he can't swear his ass off? I don't want to believe this is "too little, too late" so at this point I'll simply remain on the fence until I hear more. NOBODY would be more psyched than me for a fourth film, but like I said, it's gotta be fucking amazing! Please Eddie, I know you have it in you. Don't let me down. Well, anymore than you already have.

My Two Cents: "Not to kick Eddie when he's down, but its gotta hurt to know his brother Charlie's Rick James skits with Dave Chappelle were funnier than his last four or five movies combined. That was....COLD BLOODED."

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Devastator first look

"Devastator was the only Transformer I really wanted, but didn't get as a kid."

The Superbowl teaser looked bad ass, and we got a good look at THE FALLEN robot (he was the huge mofo that sorta looked like a unicycle) layin the smackdown though you really had to watch it five or six times, cause thirty seconds goes by pretty damn fast. What we have here is a look at the Devastator toy, which mimics the movie. He looks cool, don't get me wrong, but the dog like head is kinda throwing me off. Devastator had a human, Voltronish head. Shrug. It's OK I guess, I have faith in Michael Bay. Hopefully we'll see this bad boy in action this weekend when the first trailer comes out attached to Friday the 13TH. Like I needed extra incentive to go see that movie.

My Two Cents: "I don't mind the whole FALLEN thing, but when I think of a robot left dormant on Earth for years, I think of SKYFIRE."

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Zombie's new Halloween

"The original Michael Myers was scary enough, Tyler Mane's version could make a grown man shit his pants."

The HALLOWEEN series was my least favorite growing up. I mean hell, we already had a guy in a mask, JASON, why the hell did we need another one? H2O changed my perspective and just like that, I was a HALLOWEEN fan. Rob Zombie's opus, HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES didn't exactly blow my skirt up, if ya know what I mean. DEVILS REJECTS was certainly better (though still infinitely fucked up) and then when I heard he was remaking HALLOWEEN I was pretty excited. Zombie's got great vision when it comes to horror, he just needed to find a niche. I'm not saying he should put all his money into remakes, but if it works, don't fix it. I think he did a bang up job with the first HALLOWEEN so we can no doubt expect the next one to be (at the very least) just as good. Here's hopin, I guess we'll find out in August.

My Two Cents: "My favorite White Zombie song is More Human Than Human, and not just cause some chick's having an orgasm at the beginning. But it does help."

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Cera wants Attention

"To quote Mr. Horse, No sir.....I don't like it."

So with the Bale rant now last week's news, does anyone else find it a bit odd to see a clip of Michael Cera doing the SAME EXACT THING come out this week? I watched this nonsense and have to call bullshit here. He's flipping out over "letters" and "post-its" left in his trailer but come on Mikey, you're seriously gonna have us buy that shit? If you want my opinion, this is a scam to draw attention to a crappy movie nobody's heard a damn thing about. Perhaps this Hollywood's new take on the hype game, actors losing it and dropin F bombs on set. Bale is forgiven but Cera's douchebagery is over the top and just feels wrong. Watch Micheal Cera make an ass of himself here: http://www.joblo.com/video/joblo/player.php?video=cera-yir-shout

My Two Cents: "If you wanna hear a rant with tons of F bombs, drop by my place the morning after a big snowfall."

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Youngblood vs X-Force

"Stick to what you know Brett. Don't become the Uwe Boll of comic book movies."

So the latest news finds director Brett Ratner (RUSH HOUR/X-MEN: THE LAST STAND) planning to direct what's being referred to as "an iconic graphic novel" called YOUNGBLOOD. Well, first off, I know quite a bit about the comic book universe. YOUNGBLOOD is a comic book series printed by IMAGE comics and created by Rob Leifield. I read the first few of them, ten or so years ago and I tell you now, they're nothing special. IMAGE had one ace up it's sleeve and that was SPAWN. Without SPAWN this company probably wouldn't have done as well as they have. YOUNGBLOOD was just another attempt to cash in on the superhero team bit. X-MEN was all the rave, then came X-FORCE which also did very well.

Not to burst anyone's bubble, but YOUNGBLOOD is simply an X-MEN/X-FORCE rip-off and in no way, shape or form will become the "tentpole" Ratner is fishing for. And as far as trying to make a (not so subtle) comparison to WATCHMEN by saying it's based on a graphic novel, I have news for you Brett. Nearly ALL big name comics have at least one or two graphic novel spin offs. Simply put, these graphic novel adventures feature "set hero or heroes" in a more adult friendly environment by adding a bit of extra violence, language and maybe some sex or nudity.

So don't get your hopes up folks, YOUNGBLOOD is no X-MEN, X-FORCE and certainly no WATCHMEN. Hell, it's not even HEROES. And as for the idea of Brett Ratner trying to adapt a graphic novel to the screen. Yeah.....feel free to watch X-MEN: THE LAST STAND again just to remind yourself how utterly ludicrous this idea actually is.

My Two Cents: "Deadpool, who will be played by Ryan Reynolds in this summer's Wolverine movie, is featured quite often in the pages of X-FORCE."

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Another Sex and the City

"I know it's hard girls, but lets at least TRY to look like we all get along in real life."

I'll give SEX AND THE CITY a little credit. The HBO television series was pretty good for what it was. What was it? A woman's version of ENTOURAGE in so many words. There was no denying the edgy content and witty dialogue made for some good viewing. It's HBO after all. The movie deal? Well, it's funny to me how these women argued and fought about the movie for so long, it almost didn't happen. Of course, then they realized something. We have no other projects in works and could really use the cash. And voila, SEX AND THE CITY hit a theater near you. True to their counterparts, it looks like the girls must have shopped away their earning cause they're going back at it again with a sequel shooting for a 2010 release. I wouldn't have thought people wanted to see four over the hill cougars rambling on about sex and how crappy a hand they were dealt in life. One could argue David Duchovny's (awesome) show CALIFORNICATION is somewhat the same thing. Of course, Dave's sexy, funny and entertaining. Samantha is gross. Charlotte is stunned to about the tenth power. Miranda is an uninteresting, sour bitch. And Carrie is nothing but a high maintenance slut who has no idea what she wants and can't appreciate what she has. I'm beside myself with anticipation to see what new ways they can milk a dead series.

My Two Cents: "The funniest thing about SEX AND THE CITY were the names of some of Carrie's boyfriends. Burger, which speaks for itself. And my personal favorite, Mr. Big. Maybe she'll divorce him in the next movie for an Asian guy named Kit Kat."

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Review: PUSH

"The little girls room Nick, I'm going to the little girls room. Do you need me to draw you a picture?"

Nick is a "mover" on the run from a government group called Division ever since they murdered his father when he was a boy. When a young "watcher" suddenly drops in on him with a crazy plan involving a case and a special "pusher", Nick must embrace both his ability and his destiny if they are to change the future and stop Division.

PUSH is yet another movie to come seemingly out of nowhere (I literally first heard about this flick no more than three weeks ago) and still manages to deliver on so many levels. Similar to JUMPER this movie explores the idea of ordinary people being born with extraordinary gifts. We have our movers, who use telekinesis to move objects with their minds. Watchers, who draw the future despite the fact the future is always changing. Pushers can get inside your head and implant memories and ideas you'll believe are your own. Sniffers can touch an object and tell you who's touched it and where they are. And then there are bleeders, who can emit a high pitched frequency with their voices that'll make your head pop like a tomato. I love it. This movie takes a bit of X-MEN, a dash of HEROES and then adds to it the key elements to form a kick ass action movie. I was a bit hesitant when watching the trailer, but these guys made it happen. And above all else, made it feel like it was real.

Of course a fair amount of this movie's success is clearly based upon its flawless cast. Chris Evans is one of this generations best rising male actors. He's been on my radar since CELLULAR with Kim Basinger. He's been on fire ever since, and I don't just mean as Johnny Storm either. SUNSHINE was an highly underrated movie, also featuring Cliff Curtis who plays Hook Waters in this film making PUSH a re-teaming of these two actors. Dacota Fanning is anything but an average Hollywood kid. This girl is something special and it shows in her performance. She's worked hard, and grown up fast. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind she will a HUGE presence in the movie biz for years to come. Djimon Hounsou, who plays Divisions top man Henry Carver, ALWAYS rocks the stage in whatever movie he's doing and continues to do so here. Camilla Belle was cool as Kira, the special pusher who could change everything. I liked her in WHEN A STRANGER CALLS and THE QUIET. It's good to see she didn't fall off the face of the earth. And speaking of which, I was happy as hell to see Neil Jackson score the role of Victor, Henry's mover bodyguard. He didn't get enough credit for his work in BLADE: THE SERIES and it's nice to know he ended up catching a break.

PUSH equaled WIN all across the board for me. There's a difference between a mindless action vehicle and a smart one. This was certainly the latter. They took a interesting concept and not only ran with it, but made a sensible, engrossing and just plain fun movie. This is one for the theaters and I can only hope it gets a special edition DVD packed full of goodies and extra screen time. Stand alone films like this one seem to come at the right time, a time when sequels and remakes flood the industry and drag us down. I'm relieved to see more and more of these of late, and just hope the well doesn't run dry anytime soon.

Catch the trailer for PUSH here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuVMdGA5Y3E

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Review: GHOST TOWN

"Are you MAD?! A one thousand dollar revival fee? Do you people work for Satan? No not Saturn, this isn't a car dealership is it? SATAN, you bloody idiot!"

Bertram Pincus isn't what you'd call a people person. As a matter a fact, he prefers to avoid them at all costs. When a medical procedure goes wrong, leaving him dead for nearly seven minutes, he wakes up with an unwanted talent. Bertram is now plagued at every turn by ghosts with unfinished business, and they want him to finish it. One ghost in particular draws him into a scheme involving his widow, whom Bertram slowly falls in love with.

I don't mind a heart felt romantic comedy from time to time. This movie had me when I saw Ricky Gervais (Bertram) in the leading role. If you happened to miss his show EXTRAS then I strongly suggest you go get it. It follows the exploits of an out of work actor Andy Millman and his dense friend Maggie who pose as extras in film after film, hoping to get real acting work. I have to mention it, as Ricky's humor is identical here and would be that much funnier if you'd watched the show as well. I was happy as hell to see him in his own movie, he deserves it and does a fantastic job. I still wanna see a third season of EXTRAS though.

Greg Kinnear hold his own, but no matter how hard I try, I can't help but see him as Simon, from the Jack Nicolson comedy AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Kinnear plays the dead husband who wronged his wife and feels he needs to atone for it. Tea Leoni plays the widow, Gwen who can't really stand the pompous Bertram at first but in time, comes around. The character chemistry was believable and entertaining. The random ghosts were a lot of fun, but the sneezing thing was kinda weird.

Ricky's humor is dry and may take some getting used to, but comedy suits him well and I certainly hope to see more films in his future. It may be hard to weigh his talent after just one film, which again is why I implore you to watch EXTRAS and I promise you'll be in stitches. This is definitely a comedy with heart and though you won't see me shedding any tears, it did leave me feeling a little fuzzy inside. Even a black heart can be touched. Valentine's day is coming up, and if dinner and a movie is what you're in for, this would be a fine choice. Me? I'll be watching Jason give new meaning to the phrase "having your heart ripped out" as he slices his way into theaters (you guessed it) FRIDAY THE 13TH. Nothing says I love you like an hour and a half of senseless violence. Now that's what I call a happy Valentine's day.

Catch the GHOST TOWN trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CLx7XiOO_Y

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The CW wants Vampires

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if BUFFY lived in SMALLVILLE? I think i just threw a little."

Make no mistake, I love vampires. I really do. And with the astounding impact TRUE BLOOD has had on viewers, I'm not at all surprised the CW want to try and launch a vampire series of their own. Especially since I hear this may be SMALLVILLE'S final season (I pray to God it's not true cause I also love me some SMALLVILLE) so the search for new blood may be in order. VAMPIRE DIARIES is based on book series by L.J. Smith and tells the tale of a love triangle between two vampire brothers and some skank (I'm sorry but that's a weak ass premise) who can't make up her mind as to which one she'll let into her pants. But could it work? Hard to say really. HBO gave us our first taste of vampire television without boundaries, and rightfully so in my opinion. You can't properly tell a vampire tale if it isn't rated "R". However, SUPERNATURAL does push the envelope and is also in the CW family, so there may be hope. Either way, a pilot is on the way so we'll see soon enough. The CW has HUGE shoes to fill with season two of TRUE BLOOD coming. Let's see if they can make some magic.

My Two Cents: "It couldn't possibly be as bad as FOREVER KNIGHT. That show made me want to stake MYSELF through the heart."

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Review: ROCKIN ROLLA

"Dammit, I think she caught me staring at her nipples again."

Lenny runs the "old school" London mafia his way and has a hand in nearly all the city's dealings. When a Russian mob boss needs a building permit, he makes a deal with Lenny to ensure things run smoothly. This dealing requires seven million pounds, enticing a crooked accountant and a slew of London's thugs to try and get a piece of the action. Add to this, a (presumed dead) junky "rockin rolla" who steals a lucky painting from Lenny, crucial to this deals success.

When this movie hit theaters there were a lot of people lining up to throw rotten fruit in Guy Ritchie's direction. Maybe they'd been reading a little too much tabloid news, or maybe they just don't like (or understand) the mind of this great writer. I, on the other hand, do. Being a writer I have to say that first and foremost what matters most in a movie (or novel) are rich characters and smart dialogue. How people can not give this man credit is beyond me. As with all his flicks, Guy paints a entertaining, witty and outrageously funny noir caper in which you can easily lose yourself. SNATCH still remains one of the funniest movies and all around good times I've ever had at the movies. ROCKIN ROLLA was a bit better than LOCK STOCK but fell just a little short of SNATCH. I loved them all, don't get me wrong, but if I had to choose the hierarchy, that would be it.

Characters? There were a plenty! Tom Wilkenson (Lenny) always gives worthwhile performance and this was no exception. Mark Strong was no less impressive as Lenny's number two guy, Archie. Gerard Butler (One Two) led a rough bunch of thugs who's camaraderie and jokes scored high points in my book. We also got the lovely Thandie Newton as the devilish accountant with an agenda of her own and Toby Kebbell as the junky (rockin rolla) who throws a big monkey wrench into everybody's plan. Victor (Dragan Micanovic) played a cool Russian boss and then there was Ludacris and Jeremy Piven who's characters really didn't need to be there and were quite disappointing. I forgive Jeremy because of my mad love for Ari Gold, but Ludacris? He just needs to die or something.

Guy Ritchie's movies aren't meant to be taken all too seriously, like most movies they're meant to entertain. I know right, it's an alien concept I tell ya. I say this cause people were calling him washed up, and that this movie stank. No way. This movie was a riot and nothing but fun to the very end. If you like his work (and why would you be watching it if you didn't) then you'll thoroughly enjoy this latest adventure. Forget the "Nay Sayers" this movie was well worth your time. It's a bit ironic though, people attacking Guy's movies, when Madonna's movies are so much easier to poke fun at. Then again, I suppose it is rather confusing watching a Madonna flick and trying to keep track of how many dicks she's sucked and had inside her. You'd probably need a calculator.

Catch the ROCKIN ROLLA trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-D3c25_3l8

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SPOTLIGHT: Christian Bale

NAME: Christian Bale

BDAY: January 30, 1974

BORN: Pembrookshire, Wales, UK

TURN ONS: Magic, Murders and Executions

TURN OFFS: Crime, Judgement Day


Christian Bale's been around a long time, making his debut on the London West End stage alongside Rowan Atkinson (Mr. Bean if you live in a cave). He got his first motion picture gig in 1987 as James Graham in EMPIRE OF THE SUN. Too long ago for my blood (I was only ten at the time) but I do seem to recall it having a cool cover. Most people know Bale from his role as Patrick Bateman in AMERICAN PSYCHO and I will admit this is where I too became a Bale fan. Though clearly a phenomenon, some would argue Bale flew under the radar for a bit. I disagree. He was great in SHAFT as a racist douche bag, then went on to fight Dragons with Matthew McConaughey in REIGH OF FIRE which wasn't as bad as it could have been for his first action role. Then again, that was seven years ago when I thought any movie featuring Dragons was cool. Then there was THE MACHINIST where Bale wasted away to almost nothing losing 62 pounds to play the 120 pound Trevor Reznik. I really wanted to watch this movie but never got around to it. Probly cause Bale looked like a strung out junky and kinda creeped me out a little.


Bale's true colors as an action star really started to emerge with EQUILIBRIUM and boy did he shine as John Preston, Cleric First Class. Christian Bale's stock went up about a hundred points after watching this film. There were rumors for awhile that ULTRAVIOLET was to be a sequel but as you no doubt noticed, it wasn't even close. I love Milla in skin tight leather as much as the next guy, but that movie was Ultra-ridiculous and that's putting it lightly. Then came his big break (though he saw it as a gamble at the time) in the form of Bruce Wayne for a reinvention of the Batman films. And I must say, Batman never looked so good. Christopher Nolan did a fantastic job with this movie and Bale nailed the part and went on as (in my opinion) the best Batman to date. We saw a creative and ultimately very entertaining look into the world of magic with THE PRESTIGE also directed by Nolan. I've always been a fan of magic, I saw David Copperfield and swear it was the best damn show I've ever seen, and maybe ever will. And Bale's stock continued to go up.

THE DARK KNIGHT took the world by storm and all but made an icon out of Mr. Bale. And not only will be there another Batman (possibly more) Bale is also taking on the role of another well known character, John Connor. Like Batman, everyone knows the Terminator franchise and John Connor's character who became a household name after TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY with Edward Furlong as "young John". Nick Stahl took over the character in TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES which was a pretty good action vehicle but clearly the weak link of the series. If the franchise was going to move forward (and its debatable that it really needed to) a reinvention was certainly in order. TERMINATOR: SALVATION looks great as far as the trailers go. They're hailing it as a trilogy, and your probably as lost as I am in terms of how in the hell that's gonna work, but because of Christian Bale, I'll be there opening night. Like anyone though, Mr. Bale is only human and this "freak out" people are gossiping about should not be taken seriously. I posted it because it's a bit funny, but in all fairness, anything could have happened to trigger what we heard. Everyone gets angry, and whoever recorded it could have simply pressed a button at the right time. Christian Bale is one of the greatest actors working in Hollywood today, and as far as I can tell, there's still lots more to come from this star. Especially if you like Batman movies, cause after the insane success of THE DARK KNIGHT the studio's decided to keep firing out sequels till Judgement Day. TERMINATOR: SALVATION hits theaters this summer. Be there, or he'll kick your fucking ass.

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New Pinehead Concept

"It only hurts when I breath."

News of a HELLRAISER remake, reboot, re-imagination, whatever, have been circulating for awhile now and the boys over at Fangoria got their hands on some pics and a little movie short called "Project Angel: Recreating an Icon." You can watch that, here: http://www.fangoriaonline.com/features/21-fearful-features/1255-exclusive-pinhead-reborn.html Apparently this was only a proposition of one way to go, as far as the character is concerned. My thoughts? Well, Pinhead was always one of the scarier horrors of the movie world. I mean, come on, when you see a bone white fella in torn leather, pins stuck in his face and head and cold, black eyes staring right into your soul.....you pretty much KNOW you're fucked. Of course, this is assuming you weren't the poor bastard who summoned him and got shredded into dog food by hell chains. And if all that still isn't enough to send you running for the hills, Pinehead is also a smart one. Clever even. And that's the last thing you want a monstrous killer to be. Personally, I think Doug Bradley was scary enough, of course that fella in the picture could scare the holy hell outta've a blind man. Either way, he'll get the point across. I loved the Hellraiser movies, even the not so great sequels after BLOODLINE so naturally I'm pumped for another one, especially one that's going to theaters. Here's hoping we get it sooner rather than later.

My Two Cents: "Me and a buddy thought it would be funny to get really high before going to see HELLRAISER: BLOODLINE in theaters. We were wrong."

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Review: QUARANTINE

"Grammy just wants a kiss.....AND YOUR LIVER!"

A reporter and her camera man ride along with the Fire Department when they are dispatched to an apartment complex in downtown Los Angeles. The crew along with the building's residents get sealed inside by the CDC as a virus begins to spread amongst them, turning the infected into rabid zombie like monsters.

I'm all for a viral zombie flick, especially one who tries to look "real" in a Blair witch sort of way. Zombies aren't the coolest or prettiest creatures out there, but they sure do freak the hell out of you. So much so, you may need to sleep with a light or two on. These movies have been pretty big over the past five years. The RESIDENT EVIL series, 28 DAYS and WEEKS LATER and of course the George A. Romero flicks, all of which I'm a fan of. It's no surprise QUARANTINE came along, though it is a remake of a flick called REC which I didn't see. I dug the premise, but it did feel like it took awhile to get to the action. Like I give a rat's ass about some horned up firemen trying to bang the reporter. Other than that, it was a pretty smooth ride.

I was happy to see Jay Hernandez (Jake) in a leading role here, he sure did lay the smack down in HOSTEL. Loved that flick. DEXTER'S Jennifer Carpenter (the reporter Angela) was also cool, though I love Deb's persona so much more. I get the impression Deb would've put more foot to ball sack in this situation. The cast wasn't the problem, my frustration with this film comes in the form of reason. I know it's a horror movie, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST people, when some old bitch freaks out, foaming at the mouth and then takes a bite out of some guys jugular like its a Big Mac, you pop two in her head and call it day. Then you stomp on her face until there's nothing left but mush and you move on. I know these people are in the moment and all, and maybe I can forgive the first assault by the old lady. But Mother of God, when the Vet tells them the problem, and how the virus is spread, they still stay bunched up in that room with the infected people. I won't even start with the mother and kid. As you can see I have a hard time containing myself with stuff like this.

I won't say QUARANTINE was a total loss, cause it wasn't. I enjoyed it for what it was, a mindless (literally with these people) horror flick intended to freak you out. The zombie people did look freaky as shit, I'll give em that. And the whole being sealed in thing was a nice touch, it really upped the level of intensity. I don't really care for guessing games, when it comes to the origin of things like this, but I guess if you want to be technical, you COULD put two and two together at the end. Make no mistake, this is another horror flick in which you can tell by the trailer and title, exactly what you're in for. Not worth seeing in theaters, but definitely worth curling up on the couch to. But like I said before, you might want to leave a light on.

Catch the QUARANTINE trailer here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4inLY7YmNI

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