TRAILER: The Invention of Lying

Ever since I caught Ricky Gervais in the TV series EXTRAS, I've been a huge fan. His dry humor is an acquired taste but I find him rather funny. If you missed GHOST TOWN (and EXTRAS for that matter), you may not see what I see in this trailer. That said, perhaps you should check out his other work first, and THEN I'm sure you'll be impressed with this movie.

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TRAILER: Daybreakers

Well, anyone who's ever watched a vampire flick has no doubt wondered what would happen if vampires got a little too blood drunk and started to suck the world dry. Here's your answer. I'm ALWAYS down for a good vampire flick and this one has a cool premise, solid actors and just the right touch of originality to set it apart from the rest. Sold and sold.

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TRAILER: The Box

The brilliant mind behind DONNIE DARKO is back with THE BOX! I'm loving this premise, though whatever bad shit happens if you push the button would DEFINITELY happen to me, I'd have pushed that mofo at least ten times after he mentioned the money. Love Marsden, don't care for Diaz and Langella is always awesome. I can't wait to see this one!

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REVIEW: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

"Not even Fox's fantastic cleavage could save us from this films many pitfalls."

So since last we saw them, Optimus Prime and the autobots have made a secret pact with the army in an effort to hunt down and exterminate the last of the deceptacons. Little do they know, enemies both old and new are planning a counterattack of their own.

So I saw TRANSFORMERS two nights ago, and instead of writing the review then, I decided to let it sit in my head for a couple days in hopes that I may then see things from a different angle. Sadly, I do not. I can forgive a great many things when watching a film. As far as this one is concerned, I can forgive things like the "old robot" with the cane. I can forgive the fact that our mysterious FALLEN resembled a fruity looking witchdoctor. Hell, I can even forgive the fact that devastator had two clanking nuts. But seeing blatant foolish shit like the "wiggerbot twins" makes me die a little bit inside.

Let's forget for a second that this movie had UNBE-FUCKING-LEVABLE promise, with an infinite amount of source material, an established baseline, renown director and every chance available to be outstanding. There are NO EXCUSES available to Michael Bay and his production crew for screwing this up. This movie was a blockbuster waiting to happen. So what went wrong here? Well, rushing to get the script in BEFORE the writer's strike would be one thing. But even then, I have to ask myself, how fucking long did this movie sit on the editing table, if it did at all? Structurally this thing was a mess. We could have lost twenty minutes of the run time easily.

There was no Eben flow like last time, just a bunch of (what felt like at times) random shit piled in deep and high. I love Sam's character, and Shia was great, but Sam lost the boyish charm he had in the last film. I mean, it's still there, but we don't see much of it, and the addition of his goofass roommate certainly didn't help. Fox was alright, but her pouty lips and bland dialogue only stretch so far. The army's presence in this flick was waaay too overboard, especially considering they didn't even highlight the main guys from the first flick.

My beef with the autobots was twofold. One (obviously), the twins who were worthless, pointless and atrocious ALL at the same time. Someone needs a foot in the nuts for that shit. Second, they showed quite a few autobots, but when it came right down to it, it felt like all we really had to rely on were Optimus (who's dead half the damn time), Ironhide and Bumblebee. The rest weren't really there.

And as far as the deceptacons go, well, the Fallen was a fucking joke, and was only on screen for a brief time. Megatron comes back, but you barely see him and Starscream at all. Devastator was a COMPLETE fucking let down. I mean come on Bay, the guy looks like an evil Voltron in the cartoons and you make him into a fucking dog!?!? What the fuck? I was pumped to see Soundwave, who DID look cool as hell (kinda like the Bahamut Zero summon from FFVII), but his bitchass stayed in space, he didn't even fight. Sigh.

All in all, I was very disappointed with TRANSFORMERS 2. After so much hype, cool looking trailers, and a shitload of potential, seeing what I saw just made me sad. I don't know if there'll be a part three, and right now I don't even care. The robots did look great this time around, but in all the commotion, you could hardly tell them apart. The cartoon had NO PROBLEMS whatsoever with making each character look unique, so why the fuck couldn't Bay and Spielberg pull it off? I feel a lot like Stiffler when he realizes he got peed on, cause that's what Michael Bay did with this movie, he pissed on all the fans. And sadly, got paid big bucks to do it.

Catch the TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN trailer here:

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REVIEW: Inkheart


"All right, all right, the Shadow ISN'T a Balrog ripoff!"

When Mo Folchart reads aloud the story comes to life. And upon reading Inkheart, he brought a slew of villains into our world and lost his wife to theirs. Years later, the past returns to haunt him and Mo if forced to make things right.

I’m definitely what you would call a "fantasy buff", and for this reason I found INKHEART likeably watchable and fun. This is far from the best fantasy story out there (God knows a handful of loathsome titles slime their way into theaters every year), but for flick aimed at a younger audience, I guess can’t complain too much about the final product. Had the tone of this film been a bit more serious however, we could’ve had quite the epic tale on our hands. Instead, we get another notch on ol "family film" belt, which is fine if that’s the sort of adventure you’re looking for.

The "silvertongue" aspect of the story was impressive, and original by way of "reading" the characters into our world. That said, I feel this magic is an echo of that found in the world of LAST ACTION HERO (on some levels), only with much better characters. I haven’t been a big fan of Brandon Fraser since he destroyed the MUMMY franchise (loved him in the first one), and though he’s presented as the hero of this tale, I felt like things revolved more around Dustfinger than him (which is fine by me as I think Paul Bettany rocks).

The special effects were far more impressive than I expected, and though the Shadow was an obvious Balrog ripoff from LOTR, he still looked pretty damn cool. Quite a bit of the imagery in this film was breathtaking and well shot, yet (again) I just wish director Ian Softley had brought over some of the dark ambiance he used in THE SKELETON KEY to quicken my pulse a little. Andy (Gollum) Serkis was wonderful as the villainous Capricorn (his dialogue was pure gold), it’s just a shame he didn’t get more screen time.

Aside from clearly being a kiddy movie, INKHEART wasn’t a bad fantasy flick to pass the time on a rainy day (at least while we wait for Harry Potter). The ending was a bit of a stretch (the old lady and all the cheesy CGI monsters could have been easily stricken from the film altogether) but other than that, the closing battle was pretty solid. I rate fantasy flicks on a scale of DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (being a big fat zero) to FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (a flawless ten), and in all honesty, this flick weighs in at about five point five. And considering the fantasy flicks we have to work with lately, it could’ve been much, much worse.

Catch the INKHEART trailer here:

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BLU RAY: Confessions of a Shopaholic

"How in God's name Sasha Baron Cohen's goofy ass got a hottie like her is absolutely mind boggling."

An eccentric young woman OBSESSED with shopping lands a writing job in a family of magazine companies hoping it will open the door to her dream job. That is, if a few "white lies" and a mountain of debt don’t catch up with her first.

I wasn’t nearly as excited to see CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC in my stack of DVDs to review as my girlfriend and her sister were. Apparently it’s based on a trilogy of novels which they read and were more than happy to fill me in on. Happy day. But then I noticed something curious when I picked up the Blu ray case, "a Jerry Bruckheimer production," I said to myself. What an interesting surprise. In light of this new evidence, I was not at all surprised by my enjoyment of this film, which throws a sly wink in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA’s direction.

As with Hathaway’s performance in PRADA, Isla Fisher is downright adorable here as this wonderfully written story’s sexy underdog. It feels like EVERYONE can and will relate to her character in this flick, God knows I’m a collector of a great many things and sometimes find my credit cards burning a hole in my pocket. Shopping is a situation that can get waaay out of control fast, and ultimately THIS is what truly works here as we’ve ALL been there before. The whole cast was fun, and I especially enjoyed seeing John Goodman and Bruckheimer team up again, as Goodman ALWAYS plays a believable father role.

Since the script (and source material) were so well done, it’s easy to forget the subtle love story slowly creeping its way to the surface. Of course, it works well here, giving us the happy ending we kinda, sorta knew was coming. Derek Smeath was the perfect villain for this kind of story, and couldn’t help but laugh my ass off when I saw all those pennies. There were another couple "mean bitches" in the mix, but unlike PRADA, this film’s tone was less "on edge" and more "happy go lucky" taking away any real sense of dire peril.

Much like my reservations toward COYOTE UGLY vanished at the sight of Bruckheimer’s name, so too did any doubts of CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC. Admittedly, this is definitely NOT the sort of movie I rush out to buy or rent, but I must admit there are a few of these flicks in my legendary collection. With smart writing, solid performances and a just the right touch of humor, SOME chickflicks are worthwhile even for a man’s man like me. This flick’s got a lot going for it and is sure to be a big hit with men and women alike (though most guys will never admit it).

Catch the CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC trailer here:


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Expendables in trouble?

"I'm diggin this teaser poster, simple, but at the same time gets the point across."

I've made no attempt to mask my raging hardon for this movie. Some call it misplaced nostalgia, others raise their noses and say this is a "lame last attempt" for a bunch of over the hill geezers. Me? Fuck all that shit, I'm ready to strap my ass in for some balls to the walls (tear your motherfucking face off) action! Sadly, it seems I may not get it.

My boys over at Joblo came across a disturbing piece of info. After discussing the film with producer Avi Lerner, the question of "just how brutal a flick are we in for" came up. The answer? Not a very promising one. Lerner says they plan on testing a PG-13 version as well as an R rated version of the film to see which one "clicks" as he put it. The thought of a PG-13 EXPENDABLES makes me want to puke, and then go hurt someone. Worst case scenario? We get a theatrical PG-13 version, and then a R rated director's cut on BLU RAY and DVD. Does this make me happy? Not overly. But fuck, nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to Hollywood's lack of spine.

My Two Cents: "This flick could score big numbers for Sly, but only if he stays true to the fans expectations (meaning R rated action). It will a sad day otherwise."

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TRAILER: Inglorious Bastards

As much as I hate to say it, here we have ANOTHER bland as hell trailer for Quentin Tarantino's WAR on Nazis. I love the big "T" and all, but he's kinda slipping here me thinks. World War two flicks DON'T impress me. Therefore, a pile of fools offing Nazis "HOSTEL" style, doesn't exactly tickle my "wow" spot either. I'll watch this (because of my respect for Brad Pitt), but I damn sure won't spend money on it. The hilarious thing is, I'll probably end up liking it as I have (literally) zero expectations for this whatsoever.

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TRAILER: H2

This final trailer for Rob Zombie's Halloween sequel looks a lot better than the first one. Hype/News for this flick has had more ups and downs than a day at Six Flags but I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'll be loving this flick. No question. Zombie's work is not for everyone, but I'm certainly looking forward seeing what he's cooked up here.

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9 mins of Trick R Treat

OK, this flick is probably under most people's radars, but in all honesty, I caught a trailer for this bad boy nearly three fucking years ago! THREE YEARS! This thing has been in "WHAT THE FUCK" limbo for ages now, but as per this clip, I now see I'll FINALLY be watching this around Halloween. TRICK R TREAT promises to kick some ass this October, if you haven't seen a trailer, look it up on YouTube cause this flick WILL be great (that is, if you need more convincing after this clip).

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TRAILER: G.I.JOE (2)

This second JOE trailer shows us nothing really new, and is a bit too heavy on the Marlon Wayans for my liking (the fuck he have to be in this for anyway!?). I refuse to give up on this movie, though in all honesty, I'll be going in with LOW expectations.

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Scooter says...

"That's OK Scooter, you keep your nuts, I've always been more of a breast guy."

Well, this isn't exactly movie news, though I'm sure if I dragged around a camcorder tonight it would make for one hell of a funny viewing. It's my birthday (YAY!) and I'm off to get loaded. I thought I'd write something as I've been slacking this week after doing my in-laws landscaping (which consequently was so fucking fantastic they wanted me to paint their deck as well).

I was hoping to see and review MOON this week, but apparently it's one of those "limited releases" and I'm on the shit end of THAT stick. I did catch NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 and it was surprisingly funny for what it was (I never caught the first one though). And I also watched THE CELL 2, which sucked more balls than a gay man on ecstasy. MUSEUM can wait for DVD and you should most definitely avoid THE CELL like the fucking plague it is.

My Two Cents: "My favorite birthday card of all time is the Scooter the squirrel card, but good luck finding one these days, I can't even find it on the net for Christ sake. Ahhh Scooter, you'll live on in my heart little guy, you'll live on in my heart."

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No Bats 3 for Nolan?

"Alright, should I buy one, or two more islands in the Bahamas?"

It's no secret that the success of BATMAN BEGINS and THE DARK KNIGHT have make director Christopher Nolan a household name (and lest we forget THE PRESTIGE was pretty damn good also). However, for now, Nolan's all wrapped up in another project called INCEPTION.

Word on the street is we won't see another BATMAN till 2012/2013 and the reason Nolan may not come back is because he was pretty taken off guard by the death of Heath Ledger and I guess the Joker was set to play a pivotal role in Nolan's vision of BATMAN 3. These are just RUMORS or course, and I'm sure if Nolan really was off the franchise, we'd have a clip of him saying so himself. Until then, I'd say it's safe to assume he's still attached.

My Two Cents: "Personally I don't understand the fucking fuss here, Brandon Lee died while filming the CROW and they used some coolass CGI to finish the flick with his likeness. I'm quite sure technology has come a long way since then, and Heath's Joker likeness could definitely be used in BATMAN 3."

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CGI Megan Fox?

This is a funny little sketch about Megan Fox being CGI magic, and not really real. All I have to say is, if he's got Megan model number seven over at his place, I'd like to know if I can borrow model number six for a couple days. Come on guys, it's my birthday this weekend.

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Linkin Park Vid.

I knew one of my favorite bands was hitting up the soundtrack for TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (Linkin Park) and here's their latest video featuring the tune you hear in the background of the trailers (New Devide). The tune's not bad, and the video's cool, but I just wish these guys were as heavy and adrenaline fueled as they used to be.

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True Blood season 2 clip

I can't believe it's been a year already but True Blood season two is nearly upon us (Sunday at nine pm), and I for one and PUMPED AS HELL! Again, I only hope they stick to what they know, and keep it as grounded as last season. Either way, I'm still gonna love it and here's the final trailer (which is way too short if you ask me).

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BLU RAY: Without a Paddle

"I really miss Matthew Lillard, he was pretty damn funny."

Four childhood friends had a dream to go off in search of DB Cooper’s lost treasure. Grown up and gone their separate ways, the death of one brings the other three back together. And before long, a childhood dream becomes an outrageous reality.

WITHOUT A PADDLE is the perfect "boys will be boys" road trip flick for every guy who’s ever wanted to take that ultimate adventure into the wilderness. Yes, heading out into uncharted territory to find a man’s treasure (map or no map) is insane, but being a guy I can attest to the fact that insane just happens to be written into our DNA. I can relate to their childhood friendship, as I’d do just about anything for my friends and wouldn’t hesitate to fulfil a promise, especially if one passed away. And that’s what I love most here, at the end of the day, these guys were there for one another when it mattered most and that’s what real friends do.

I really dug the cast, Matthew Lillard especially. Seth Green’s alright I guess, for a guy who’s become content with cameo appearances and a back seat in FAMILY GUY. Dax is funny, but I’ve only seen two or three episodes of PUNK’D. The fellas did have a cool true to form chemistry though, like they really had been friends for years. Their dialogue was witty and downright hilarious, despite the PG-13 rating. The story worked, the pace was fine and the score pretty upbeat. Not to mention the Blu-ray treatment definitely put the "great" in the great outdoors! Director Steven Brill is no stranger to comedy (loved LITTLE NICKY), and after watching the extras I can tell he had a blast making this one.

The DB Cooper thing threw me there at first, I was thinking "didn’t that fool die in season one of PRISON BREAK?" I have to say I prefer the PRISON BREAK version though (and the guys would have too), considering DB’s much lighter payload here. The Hillbillies were nutty but fun, mostly due to Ethan Suplee (loved the footprints line). I didn’t care much for the hippy chicks, but the bear scene cracked me up, and I don’t know how they got Burt Reynolds to play Grisly Adam’s long lost cousin but it sure was a hoot. There was no shortage of laughs here.

It would be pretty easy to compare this flick to some of the more recent comedy angles and call it mediocre. But then I would have to disagree. It’s surprising how well done this film truly is, and it was ten times funnier than I expected it to be. Beyond that, there’s a strong theme of friendship here, as three guys reevaluate their lives and what matters most to them. The ending says it all, and allowed me to walk away from this film happy. Being a big kid inside, all it took was one look at the treasure map and I was sold. This flick reminds me of my childhood with THE GOONIES and STAND BY ME. No, they’re not quite the same thing, but the adventure was there, and that’s enough to keep this flick fun for me.

Catch the WITHOUT A PADDLE trailer here:

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TRAILER: Armored

Not a bad looking little heist gone wrong flick, even if DOES look a lot like the Christian Slater flick HARD RAIN. I love the ensemble cast (been awhile since I've seen Reno in anything but THE PINK PANTHER flicks), and I'm always up for a good thief story, especially when it comes to robbing armored cars as I've always wanted to do that.

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Summers fired off JOE?

"Well, if all else fails, at least Sienna Miller will be looking HOT AS HELL in tight black leather as the Baroness."

OK, it would be a considerable understatement to say I've been getting progressively worried about G.I. JOE. First, there was next to no advertising, then Stephen Summers got behind the camera obsessed with making it a James Bond ripoff, he (for some reason) cast Marlon Wayans and then I get lines like "the French are angry...well of course the French are angry!" in a trailer which at best, felt borderline.

Now, word around the campfire over at Paramount is that Director Stephen Summers was fired from the project after the execs viewed a private screening and were horrified by what they'd seen. This is disturbing for a variety of reasons, and the two biggest ones are as follows: One, how the fuck do you fire a director from project he's already filmed and no doubt been paid for? And two, what does this mean for the (already late summer) August release date? Apparently (if you wish to believe the hype), Paramount's got some people working through the film now, busy trying to make it "releasable". I guess we'll know soon enough.

My Two Cents: "I've heard A LOT of rumors circulate here and there, but NEVER of a director being fired nearly two months before the film's release! I just hope Summers hasn't single handedly destroyed what could have been a dream franchise for Paramount."

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Rourke as Whiplash

"What we have here is the IRON MAN retirement model, complete with walking sticks that attach to your hands. YAY!"

This has been an interesting summer for movies, action packed with tons of unexpected surprises (both good and bad) and a ton of shit gone terribly wrong. And on that note, nothing will squash your IRON MAN 2 buzz faster than the above pic of Rourke as the flick's main villain Whiplash. Really? THAT'S the money shot?! I can only pray this horrendous representation of evil is indeed a "work in progress" or "concept art", cause GAD DAMN, if that shit's the real deal, we're in for one sorry excuse for a villain.

On a lighter note, I have tremendous faith in Johnny Favs and Robert Downey Jr. so I'm HOPING against hope that this is just paparazzi mayhem in the form of a desperate attempt to snap a "cool shot" from the set of IRON MAN 2.

My Two Cents: "I'll admit, I don't know JACK SHIT about IRON MAN's list of villains, but I'm fairly confident they could have landed on something much more diabolical."

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REVIEW: Fired Up

"Is it me, or does that chick on the right have a hairy treasure trail leading from her bellybutton. That's fucking nasty!"

The school’s two star football players decide to tackle cheerleading camp (and hopefully a pile of chicks) instead of spending the summer surrounded by sausage at football camp.

The trailers for FIRED UP did absolutely nothing for me. I really thought I was gonna hate this movie, especially after watching THE HANGOVER this weekend (which lowered my tolerance for bad comedy). However, I’m surprised to say this flick was actually pretty damn funny, and a hell of a lot more fun than I expected. Now these two scored some points with me because of their football background, but I will go on record as saying there is NOTHING cool about guy cheerleaders (just ask Justin Long’s character from DODGEBALL). And on a cheerleading note, I played football for a High School of three thousand kids, and all our cheerleaders were ass ugly. I’d love to know where all these chicks were when I was going to school.

The storyline was only cool because Shawn and Nick were cool. Their friendship played a critical role in making this flick a winner, but they had lots of help from an insanely large supporting cast of hilarious characters. That’s what ultimately won me over here, the ensemble cast. I’m not saying they were known actors and actresses, I’m simply saying everyone involved was well written and stood out in their own right, making this a much thicker plot and an over all richer experience than had it been about Shawn and Nick only (and on a sidenote, Sarah Roamer is hot but this feels like a step down from DISTURBIA). This was also a pretty solid directorial debut for Will Gluck.

I liked the soundtrack, though I couldn’t help but think of all those BRING IT ON type movies, and all the ridiculous baloney that comes with them. Thankfully this flick borrowed from the good and flushed most of the bad, while at the same time sneaking in a pile of great jokes and managing to not take itself too seriously (or go painfully overboard like the god awful looking DANCE FLICK. I’ll never understand why they continue to let the Wayans brothers make movies). The unrated version boosted the content and even managed to slide in a couple exposed pompoms, which is always one of the best reasons to wait and catch these types of comedies on DVD.

FIRED UP gives us yet another dynamic duo in Shawn and Nick, who’re surprisingly much more entertaining than you’d think. Their story is nothing new, and the "whoops, I fell in love with a chick dating a complete asshat" thing has been milked more times than Lucas’s STAR WARS cash cow, but I rather enjoyed their antics and was satisfied with the happy (and blatantly obvious) ending to their semi-gay adventure (which reminds me, the gay jokes/situations are quite a hoot for both sexes). This flick won’t win best comedy or anything, but I’ve seen much worse come out this year (I’m looking at you, MISS MARCH and OBSERVE AND REPORT), so I was happy to have enjoyed this one as much as I did.

Catch the FIRED UP trailer here:


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TRAILER: Shutter Island

I couldn't give a rat's about Martin Scorsese (cough, cough, OVERRATED), but I love me some LEO! Admittedly, this trailer ain't exactly pumping me full of originality, but the premise is dark, brooding and features Sir Ben Kingsley as the evil Dr. Frankensteinish villain, leaving me no choice but to drink the kool-aide.

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TRAILER: Tales from the Script

Having just finished my first novel I plan on publishing (and later hope to see made into a psychological thriller film), this trailer scares the holy hell outta me cause I've heard enough rumors, and seen (first hand) enough movies based on books to know how sinfully accurate this all sounds. (Shudder)

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REVIEW: Up

"SIGH, I knew I shouldn't have answered the door today."

After losing his wife, Carl Fredricksen just wants to be left alone. When a misunderstanding finds the government taking his home and shipping him off to a retirement home, Carl brings new meaning the the term "up up and away" as he vows to fulfil he and his wife's dream of adventure.

Let me first express how much the kid in me LOVES a good Disney flick. It wasn't always so, but gems like ALADDIN, THE LION KING and HERCULES forever changed my way of thinking in this matter. And then a new dawn came about with Pixar entertainment (TOY STORY, A BUGS LIFE), and I continue to be captivated by these fantastic tales of fun and adventure. That said, UP took me for a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride there in the opening moments. Watching Carl meet Ellie when they're both kids, get married and then grow old together, only to have her DIE before they can realize their dream of flying to Paradise Falls, was nothing short of gut retching. Make no mistake, UP has more than it's fair share of funny moments, but Jesus, rightfully so as it breaks your heart before the house even sets sail.

Once the sadness is out of the way however, it's nothing but smooth sailing for this delightful journey. The teaming of Carl and Russell (though risky in theory) pays off and comes across as a boy and his grumpy old grandfather. Most of the laugh out loud situations are a result of the many talking dogs, Carl and Russell's constant bantering and from the strange bird Russell named Kevin. The villain angle felt a bit off to me, having Carl's boyhood hero turn against him, not to mention this being quite a hole in the plot for me as you get Charles Muntz's storyline and purpose at the beginning of the film, but when you do, consequently we get quite the time paradox as a result. When his character's introduced, Carl is a little kid, but Charles looks to be in his late thirties. Yet, later on when Carl finds him in Paradise Falls, Carl's 78 years old and Charles is miraculously THE SAME AGE AS HE IS! Hmmm.

Sad intro and 130 year old villain aside, UP was an extremely touching, heartfelt story fueled by lots of laughs and clever dialogue that NO child would even begin to grasp. Again, hats off to Disney/Pixar for creating a nice little niche in the genre which scores them big points with the kids for being animated, and even bigger points with the adults for providing rich and provocative storytelling. I didn't catch this baby in 3D, and in all honesty, I don't think it's necessary you do either, though by all means see in theaters (I just don't think you need to drop the extra cash). These movies bring about a giddy feeling in me, showing me that I don't NEED huge robots, machines, extreme violence and boobs to enjoy myself at the movies (PLEASE NOTE: I still very much enjoy the aforementioned examples and for no reason wish to see LESS of these things popping up in my movies).

Catch the UP trailer here:

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REVIEW: The Hangover

"And I SWEAR I didn't put any drugs in our shots."

Doug's about to tie the knot, so his two best friends and brother in law decide to take him to Vegas for a night to he won't forget. Problem is, when hey wake up in morning, not only can they not remember the night, they can't find Doug either.

I'm a big fan of film noire style comedies, and with a premise like "four guys in Vegas in a bachelor party gone wrong", I was anything but unhappy. Truth be told, after seeing the first couple trailers I wasn't sold, THEN I saw the R rated trailer and said to myself, "This is gonna kick some ass!" And I was not wrong. I loved this summer's earlier comedy I LOVE YOU MAN, but I have to say THE HANGOVER is the best comedy of the year for me so far.

I've also grown pretty fond of Bradley Cooper, and am very impressed at his rise to fame over the past couple years. We're talking about a guy with a bit role in WEDDING CRASHERS as the douche boyfriend, then a couple more small roles here and there, before showing up as the lead in MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN. He nailed the shit outta that one, and since has been popping up all over the place. The entire cast was great, but I also have to give some mad props to Zach Galifianakis (Alan) and Iron Mike Tyson as himself for putting up big numbers in the humor department.

Adventures with the boys will never get old for me, especially if they consist of outlandishly funny shenanigans in Vegas! Some people are comparing this to VERY BAD THINGS with Christian Slater, but I say no fucking way bitches, this movie was a hundred times funnier, and though dark, keeps it place as a comedy from start to finish. I laughed my ass off, and was particularly happy with the ending, when they find a camera and decide to take a look at the pictures. The pics themselves scroll across the screen with the end credits like a photo shop blooper reel. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. This is a must see for comedy fans, I highly recommend it.

Catch THE HANGOVER (R rated) trailer here:

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TRAILER: Machete

How cool is this!? I knew they were talking about making MACHETE (one of the fake trailers from GRINDHOUSE) into a crazy ass action flick with Danny Trejo, and here's the first trailer! This flick is vintage Rodriguez, and though I DO feel some of this looks way too DESPERADO-ish, it still looks completely and utterly BADASS.

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REVIEW: Prison Break: The Final Break

"What the two hour season finale SHOULD have been."

With the company handled, the gang is free at last and finally ready to move on with their lives. Until the Police show up with video footage of Sara killing Christina is what looks like cold blood. And we're back to square one.

As you may have surmised after reading my review of season four, I was less than impressed by PRISON BREAK's final season. That said, the prospect of this little adventure had me thinking one and only thing: These bitches are just trying to squeeze a little more blood out of this stone for extra cash on DVD. Now that I've watched it, I STILL feel the exact same way, but admittedly this was a proper ending for the series and I think fans will be happy with it (I was).

No, I still don't like the idea of Michael dying, I feel it's a bit of a ripoff considering he was the mastermind behind EVERYTHING. The whole Sara being shipped off to prison thing (though on the outside feels a little cheap), was a cool twist on things and felt like familiar territory, which in process highlights the good times we fell in love with in the first place. I just hope this isn't a (subtle) way of slipping FOX's "women's version" of PRISON BREAK into the pipeline. I'm hoping they decided to scrap this idea, using it as a unique twist here in the post finale.

All in all, I'm a bit disappointed in them for prolonging the ending by way of DVD. With the atrocious finale's bad taste still lingering in people's mouths, it really feels like more of a risk than savior. However, like I said, THE LAST BREAK does feel like a proper ending, and plays out in the proper fashion with all our favorite characters in familiar territory, and going back to basics storywise. With the exception of Michael's death, I was very pleased with this flick and would definitely recommend it to fans of the series who want the ending they deserved in the first place. Even still, this is a RENTAL, no need to buy it.

Catch the PRISON BREAK: FINAL BREAK trailer here:

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TRAILER: Final Destination 4

I was a pretty big fan of the original FINAL DESTINATION and of Devon Sawa (WTF happened to him anyway?). The rest were fun to watch for the "OMG how's he gonna die" moments and the occasional bit of T&A. Now do I think we needed a fourth installment? Probably not, but if there's one film that I'd kill to see in 3D, it would be this one.

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BLU RAY: Defiance

"I usually hate movies like this, but how can you say no to James Bond AND Sabertooth?"

In a time when being Jewish meant death at the hands of the Germans, three brothers rally their kinsmen into the Belarussian Forests, determined to regroup, fight back and most importantly survive.

At first, I found myself torn with DEFIANCE. On the one hand, we’ve got a beautifully shot, well written, fantastically acted story, but on the other hand, I can’t help but ask myself when is enough going to be enough? I’m not trying to sound insensitive here, but I first learned about Hitler and his war on the Jewish community back in Junior High School with THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANK, and then SCHINDLER’S LIST soon after. But now it seems like we get AT LEAST five flicks a year on the subject. Hitler was a tyrant, and the persecution of the Jewish people a sin, but this story has been told, re-told, re-booted and refurbished to the point that we’re now left with a slew of Titanic-esque scenarios that to me, feels like Hollywood milking a travesty for every dollar they can squeeze out.

Of course, in that regard, Hollywood HAS gotten smarter. They’re now pulling out the "big guns" when it comes to actors, with Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber helming this battle. Both actors were at the top of their game here, and upon seeing their hot and cold brotherly antics, I couldn’t help but be reminded of Schreiber and Jackman’s unique bond in WOLVERINE. And while we’re at it, I found the story quickly started to feel like ROBIN HOOD PRINCE OF THIEVES (with guns instead of bows). Craig (like Robin) even had the sheriff’s white horse...until they ate it. The script itself blew me away, and not only with its impressive dialogue, but because they were able to pull of as much humor as they did. Not exactly an easy task in this case.

Director Edward Zwick is no stranger to intense, awe inspiring flicks (THE LAST SAMURAI, THE SIEGE) and continues to turn up the heat with incredibly well shot battle sequences and surreal landscapes (some of those shots in the woods were nothing short of breathtaking, especially in HD). He also manages to capture the impending sense of dread amongst the people. The dire tone and gloomy score work to enhance the horrific reality of the story unfolding around them. When this film winds up for a punch, it goes for the jugular. And because of the often brutal subject matter, it makes quite and impact (the beating of the captured German soldier being one of the more powerful scenes).

Much like VALKYRIE (which I watched out of drunkenness, boredom and my love of Tom Cruise), I was really drawn into DEFIANCE, finding it to be arguably the best film of it’s kind to date. Sure, it was a little slow at times, and probably could’ve had fifteen or so minutes trimmed off the runtime, but the action was gritty and believable, the sense of imminent danger kept my eyes wide open and glued to the screen, and the brother’s sheer resolve and willingness to find hope where there was only death was enough to pull even the coldest person’s heart strings. And what makes this one by far more enjoyable when compared to all the others (besides seeing them fight back), was getting a (relatively) happy ending for a change.

Catch the DEFIANCE trailer here:

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GAME TRAILER: Star Wars: The Old Republic

Let it be known that I FUCKING LOATH George Lucas. However, this game trailer looks better than his last three movies combined. Well, maybe not THAT good, but it was at least better than EPISODE ONE and TWO. Either way, not sure I'd go online to play it, but if online games are your thing, it could be worth a look.

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TRAILER: Pandorum (2)

Another KICK ASS trailer for what looks to me will be the next best space thriller, and a damn fun time at the movies. I love space paranoia flicks like EVENT HORIZON and SUNSHINE. But hell, I even liked LOST IN SPACE. Consequently, I'm thinking this one will be a lot better than that last one.

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The Odd Passenger

I'm a HUGE Dean Koontz fan (he's actually a pen pal of mine, we've written back and forth a handful of times). And I'm happy to say he's got more great hits in both novels and movies than Stephen King does, and they just keep on coming. This webisode four part series is based on his Odd Thomas character and is actually quite interesting.







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The Black Dawn Chap. 4

Things start to heat up for the survivors when they realize Fox was right, and they're not alone. After Alex gets shot, they capture one of the "others" in hopes of getting some answers. I hope I'm not the only one loving this, I just wish these things came out faster!







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TRAILER: The Hangover

The first trailer for this flick (though interesting storywise) felt kinda bland to me, with the exception of Mike Tyson's cameo. Now THIS trailer is balls out hilarious and though I was gonna see this flick anyway, I'm now actually looking forward to seeing it this weekend! Long live rated "R" comedies.

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BLU RAY: CSI S1

"Definitely a kickass show, it's a shame it took this long for me to get into it."

A team of forensic evidence investigators tackle the never ending string of crime in and about the city of Las Vegas, bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."


Las Vegas, I can’t imagine a better backdrop for this provocative, smart and very sexy television series. CSI’s first season is a captivating look into the tricky world of crime and evidence. And being the FIRST of its kind, makes this quite a surreal experience, as many of the ideas found here paved the way for some of our more recent shows like DEXTER, not to mention the CSI spinoffs in New York and Miami. Sin City was clearly the perfect place to start, and no sin is taboo, as this show pushes the envelope in ways that were not only unheard of, but very risky at the time. Which is just one of the many reasons this show is still successful today.


I was immediately drawn in by the polished (movie-like) camera work and pulse pounding score that guys like Jerry Bruckheimer and Danny Cannon bring to the table. The storylines found here are well done, intelligent and brought to life with an eager pace. The breakdown of evidence pieced together within the crime scenes is mind-boggling, but logical. I like that CSI comes off as a show you can pick up and watch at anytime (thanks to new cases being introduced with each episode), but don’t be fooled into thinking there isn’t a plot moving forward with them. The pilot (for example) won me over by introducing a clever killer who pops up again in episode eight. I was pissed that the intense cat and mouse game between him and Grissom remained unresolved as the season came to a close, but luckily I can also appreciate a good cliffhanger.


What makes this show "can’t miss TV" in my eyes, is the fact there isn’t a weak link to be found in this cast. William Patterson is hugely talented (I’ll always see him as Pat Garrett), as is Marg Helgenburger who got the gig from having worked with Bruckheimer on BAD BOYS. The main group, Grissom, Nick, Warrick, Sara and Catherine and simply phenomenal together, with a team oriented chemistry you have to see to believe. What makes me connect with these characters most is their humanity. These people are flawed, and they know it. Each with their own set of inner demons. Grissom is my favorite by far (his scene alone on the roller coaster = money), mostly because he’s a modern day Batman, a perfectly well rounded detective.


The science geek in me loved the special effects along with the various forensic tools used to recreate the crimes, the spectrograph, visual polygraph, wound casting, audio forensics, and the insect testing, to name a few. The dialogue used here is extremely witty, and I can’t even begin to tell you about all the priceless one liners (used mostly by Grissom). The writers did take more than a couple plot ideas from some of my favorite psychological thriller flicks (which is to be expected considering the content), but I was cool with it because at no point does this show feel like it’s sponging off these films.


I’m a sucker for intelligent, well written television and this show delivered in spades. Grissom’s Science vs Human behavior attacked each and every one of my senses, sometimes all at once. This show gets better and better with each new episode, but can be a pretty harsh wake up call in regard to the evils of society, which (in all honesty) may not be for the feint of heart. The transfer on Blu-ray looks and sounds flawless, but having not watched the show on TV, I can’t accurately make much of a comparison. CSI is television at its best, that much I can say, a statement backed by the fact this show’s now in its ninth season. And this comes as no surprise to me, cause I’m officially sold and already moving on to season two.

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REVIEW: Lesbian Vampire Killers

"I refuse to touch ANYONE'S cocksword!"

After Jimmy gets dumped by his woman for the seventh time, and Fletch punches at kid at work getting him fired, both friends somehow manage to end up in a cursed village, unknowingly been sent to a remote cabin in the woods as sacrifices for a pack of lesbian vampires hoping to resurrect their queen.

Lately, the horror genre’s been poking fun at itself here and there with spoofy, comedic, cliche driven flicks in the form of "guilty pleasured" fan boy wet dreams (HATCHET, ZOMBIE STRIPPERS, MY NAME IS BRUCE). And as a true horror fan, LESBIAN VAMPIRE HUNTERS delivers a healthy dose of the same balls to the walls fun. I loved this flick! It was a bit of a no brainer for me though as vampires = big smiles, lesbians = even BIGGER smiles. Now pair them up with a couple HILARIOUS fellas who just wanna get shit faced and see some boobies (funny, that’s exactly what I wanted to do) and you’ve got a hell of a funny film worth sinking your teeth into.

With a title like LESBIAN VAMPIRE HUNTERS it would’ve been super easy for the cast to go painfully overboard and not take things seriously (ie: ZOMBIE STRIPPERS). For me, this is where the film was sharp as a stake. Fletch and Jimmy were a winning duo, reminding me a great deal of the two best buds from SHAWN OF THE DEAD. In all honesty, this kinda WAS that movie with vamps instead of zombies. Both films took a pretty basic element of horror and threw in two underachieving dimwits for kicks, sat back, turned on the camera and just let them go. I have no problem what so ever with this plan of attack. That said, it does tend to encourage writers out there to come up with turd burgers like PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES, ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER and lest we forget Peter Jackson’s latest idea to send two Nasi zombies back in time to kill Jesus. Yes, I’m dead serious.

I guess the only way this flick kinda pissed in my holy water was by way of false advertizing. I’ll admit, they throw some nice boobage our way in the opening scene, going hand in hand with a couple chicks making out. But the T&A/lesbianism aspect of the film dries up quicker than an open bar at an Irish wedding (trust me, I’m Irish). Now a less shallow man may be alright with this, however, I was not. The adventure was well shot though, I’ll give it that. The wardrobe and locals were a bit iffy, but all in all she looked pretty genuine. Clearly I had NO problems with the writing as I was in stitches half the time. The rich comradery and one liners between the two mains (and later between Fletch and the Vicar) were utterly priceless. I’m still laughing my ass off when I think about the "cock-sword" and the big gay werewolf bit. Too funny.

LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS isn’t about winning Oscars, compelling cinematography, pulse pounding score, or star studded casting. It’s about two guys (along with THIS guy) hoping to see as much nudity and cheap thrills as possible. Again, it wasn’t raining naked chicks locked together giving one another lip massages, but there was enough exposed melons, gooey deaths and witty dialogue to make this flick a cut above the aforementioned others. This film more than accomplishes what it set out to do (in my mind anyway), feeling like a really funny episode of MASTERS OF HORROR, just not as polished. I don’t know about you guys, but I’d pay good money to be locked in a shack with gang of "bisexual" female vampires. Who do I gotta kill to get me some of THAT action!?

Catch the LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS trailer here:


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REVIEW: Drag me to Hell

"This will make a fine addition to my cursed button collection."

Christine Brown's life is on the up and up, until she's forced to turn down an old gypsy lady's extension request at the bank. And as such, the crazy bitch throws down the lamia curse, giving Christine three days till she's literally dragged to hell. Stupid gypsies.

I was a little unsure about this flick in the beginning. People were hyping the shit out of this simply because it was Sam Raimi's "return to horror". Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Raimi's, especially his more underrated stuff like A SIMPLE PLAN and THE QUICK AND THE DEAD. I liked the EVIL DEAD series, but lets be fucking honest here. Without ARMY OF DARKNESS (a flick most people don't ever realize is part of the DEAD series), the EVIL DEAD franchise wouldn't be nearly as popular with the fan boys. And at the end of the day, this was STILL a PG-13 horror flick, so again, I was unsure. Thankfully, this flick DID live up to the hype for me!

Now what I loved most here is that Raimi uses everything under the sun to invoke chills and thrills into the viewers. There's great little camera tricks, shadow work and an overall "haunted house" feel added to Christine's surrounding (no matter where she is) when being tormented by the lamia. I'm also a HUGE fan of gypsy lore, curses and magic, making this adventure extra fun for me. The arcane is ALWAYS a lot of fun to experiment with, and because these "spells and curses" are all so unique, you can pretty much go crazy with them on a creative level.

The acting was pretty tight, Alison Lohman was a great protagonist and a tragic sweetheart which in my opinion, which added to her appeal. I won't count out Justin Long though, as I'm happy as hell to see him return to horror as well (he was absolute brilliant in JEEPERS CREEPERS). Lohman's performance aside, I'd have been much happier seeing Long in the driver's seat here, with Lohman as the "not so important" girlfriend figure. Also, hat's off to Lorna Raver for giving us the creepiest, craziest, she-bitch of an old lady to hit the screen in a long fucking time. Nice work!

DRAG ME TO HELL wasn't perfect, some of the effects were a tad CGI heavy, though most of them went "old school" and really grossed me out (in a good way). I don't think Raimi is a God by any stretch, but this story was well done, and since it was written by him and his brother, I have to give them mad props for originality, fun scares and a true vision when it comes to depicting the presence of evil. The ending's slight twist was a tad obvious for me (they sorta dropped the ball earlier on, you'll no doubt pick up on it too), but other than that, this flick was a pretty solid trip down horror lane with a director who's been itching to return to genre. Just don't fuck up the next SPIDERMAN!!!

Catch the DRAG ME TO HELL trailer here:

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TRAILER: New Moon

OK, call me crazy but I enjoyed TWILIGHT. That said, I'm not hitting NEW MOON dressed as Edward or anything, but I am remotely intrigued by what's to come via this storyline...despite the fact the wolf in this trailer looks like the gay cousin of the cheesy as fuck CGI wolf from VAN HELSING.

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TRAILER: The Goods

Ever wonder what would happen if Ari Gold quit the agent biz and started selling cars? Well, apparently Hollywood did, and as a result got Jeremy Piven a kickass little script that looks FUCKING HILARIOUS! If you love him in ENTOURAGE, you'll fall in love with this trailer. Now THIS, is a comedy I can't wait to stand in line for!

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