Spawn is coming back to TV!

"This vacation was pure HELL!"

My favorite BADASS is coming back to the world of anime! I was an avid SPAWN fan from the first comic issue back in the nineties when the comic biz was a booming (god I miss those days). SPAWN beats just about every other hero or villain by way of coolness, and Violator, well you KNOW he stole my heart (and that of everyone else who managed to cross his path).

The three HBO seasons of SPAWN were nothing short of flawless works of art (if only the feature film could have hit even close to this mark), delving deep into the dark, twisted psychosis of the tortured Al Simmons. And after the WTF cliffhanger ending of the third season (which feels like a lifetime ago), I've been waiting agony (cursing Todd McFarlane's soul) for years.

Speak of the devil, here's what he had to say about the issue: "
For those that've asked, the SPAWN ANIMATED show will be back in Hollywood's face in 2010. Legal issues delayed it past few years." Music to my ears. New animated series, new feature "R" rated film in the works, it's a great time to be a SPAWN fan baby!

My Two Cents: "I'm a little curious to know what sort of "legal issues" Todd ran into, considering it's indisputably HIS character and he already had three seasons of the show under his belt."

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REVIEW: District 9

"Look, I already told you assholes I've never heard of the BROOD or STARCRAFT."

A government agent heading up a special task force to relocate nearly two million aliens from slum-like District 9, if forced to see things in a different light when he's exposed to their technology and begins to change.

DISTRICT 9 was the sleeper hit of the summer for me thus far (I have yet to see INGLORIOUS BASTARDS, but I think I'm going tomorrow). I was originally intrigued by Peter Jackson's involvement and the whole "hush, hush" vibe these guys were giving off. Floods of positive feedback erupted from Comic Con (and word of mouth over the past couple weeks), and being that it's about aliens (and I DO love me a flick about aliens), I had no doubts I would be taken on a fantastic voyage here. I was not wrong.

First off, I'd like to say NICE FUCKING JOB to writer/director Neill Blomkamp for breaking into the genre like the Juggernaut busts through walls. It was a shame that things crumbled for him with HALO (he would have clearly knocked that shit outta the part too), but much like J.J. Abrams grabbed the world by the short and curlies with STAR TREK, Blomkamp has done the same thing here with DISTRICT 9. The story is all in intensity from start to finish, though that intensity runs and interesting course with your emotions along the way. This is not a documentary, as the trailer may have believe, though that angle IS cleverly used throughout and helps to accentuate the ever changing mood of the film.

Sharlto Copley gave an Oscar caliber performance as Wikus Van De Merwe. I mean wow, what a layered, heartfelt and clearly genius character. He undertakes quite a transformation (no pun intended) throughout the three day journey, but above all else, the guy certainly maintains his humanity. The aliens were well done, considering (I mean shit, how many new ways can we come up with to show off aliens without going too far overboard). I didn't care for the racist title of "Prawns", but what I did enjoy was the angle these aliens played and how we (people), were the real ugly monsters.

DISTRICT 9 was top notch theatrical entertainment which I deem a MUST SEE. My only problem with this flick was that I don't get why we (people) would experiment so openly on a race of aliens that we KNEW were lost and could possibly have a chance of returning to their mothership. If Christopher the alien DOES come back, there's a good chance he'll be looking to exterminate, and I can't say I blame him. Rumors of DISTRICT 10 are being whispered everywhere, not surprising considering the ending, and I for one will keep one ear to the ground in hopes of getting confirmation. Until then, go see this movie. It's a blast.

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TRAILER: Avatar

James Cameron's much debated (and in my opinion over hyped AND overrated) epic space movie about (what looks like) people tapping into the mind of a couple members of an alien race in some uncharted part of the galaxy. And of course, once we're wowed by the surroundings, being typical beings of war, we sweep and annihilate the place. Go humanity! That's what I get from this teaser, but we'll know more once a true trailer hits.

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TRAILER: The Wolfman

This flick's been "in production" for what feels like an eternity now, but I gotta say for an oldschool monster flick (especially one about werewolves), this baby packs quite a punch. I'm a fan of Benicio and what an added bonus/surprise to see Anthony Hopkins in a role which looks similar to his BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA days. In a day and age where vampires and zombies are all the rave, it's nice to see the occasional werewolf flick pop up from time to time.

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BLU RAY: Waterboy

"Mama said knock you out...so I'm gonna knock you out."

Bobby Boucher has been a underappreciated waterboy for years. After being humiliated and fired, he takes his high quality H2O to another field. When his new coach witnesses a display of pent up rage, he convinces Bobby to join the team as their secret weapon.

When I think of Adam Sandler (funny Sandler that is), I think of old school SNL and the standup tapes he had back when I was in High School (despite all the old men’s balls jokes). When it comes to movies I think of BILLY MADISON, HAPPY GILMORE, BULLETPROOF and WEDDING SINGER. THE WATERBOY came about when Sandler started going soft in my eyes. I later enjoyed ANGER MANAGEMENT and even THE LONGEST YARD, but in all honesty, I don’t give Adam much thought anymore because as far as I’m concerned his comedic career is dead and buried along side Eddie Murphy’s in two unmarked graves somewhere in Hollywood.

Though clearly one of Sandler’s weaker escapades, THE WATERBOY does have its moments. I love football, so naturally they had me there. Cathy Bates is a hoot as his tough bayou mama, obsessed with the Devil. And who doesn’t love a little Henry Winkler action? The Roy Orbison tattoo has me in stitches EVERY TIME. Most of Sandler’s entourage is here, providing the right amount of laughs when needed with antics and characters that are nowhere near as corny as some of those found in his later flops like MR. DEEDS. Fairuza Bulk continues to confuse me in this film as I can never make up mind as to whether or not I think she’s hot or just plain scary. I think I’ll plead the fifth.

I do love this film’s score, especially every time they start to play the intro to The Devil came down to Georgia (I just wish they’d played the entire song at some point). The story is touching, despite Sandler’s FORREST GUMP persona. I mean, I know he loves making that ridiculous smiley face of his, but it does start to grate on one’s nerves after awhile. Director Frank Coraci has good eye for comedy and Sandler must agree as he also directed THE WEDDING SINGER and super hilarious GRANDMA’S BOY (I’m still mad as hell that I passed up the opportunity to see that screening).

THE WATERBOY was a lot more fun than I remembered, but that’s only because I chose to forget it after the first viewing. This flick remains on my "so,so" list and as far as the added perks of HD are concerned, forget about it. Blu-ray brought us no such glory with this title, and not a single bonus feature to be had. Not even a trailer. So if you’re looking to have some good old fashioned Sandler fun, I suggest you look elsewhere because to steal a play out of mama’s book, "This movie is the Devil!" That is, if the Devil were a mediocre comedy about a slow kid playing football behind his mother’s back.

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REVIEW: Duplicity

"I take it back, you DO look just as good now as you did in PRETTY WOMAN."

Two rogue spies try to work both sides of the field in a feud between two multimillion dollar companies over a secret project/patent they intend to steal for themselves and sell for enough cash to disappear together forever.

I don’t remember hearing much in the way of advertising for DUPLICITY. A friend mentioned it to me while it was in theaters, but thought it was a love story so naturally I dismissed it almost instantly. Sure, there’s a romantic angle, I suppose, but this film is also a slick comedy wrapped in high stakes espionage. For awhile, I found myself thinking of ENTRAPMENT, but then I realized this film was nowhere near as interesting. The cast was certainly well chosen, and the initial story is clever (maybe a little too clever, after all people DID complain MISSION IMPOSSIBLE was too complex and confusing), but pace is what arguably becomes this film’s Achilles heel. The back and forth time jumps, the plotting CEO’s and the general air of secrecy all came off fairly bland, and in turn had me constantly checking the time as I waited for something to happen.

You get the impression at the beginning of the film that our two rival bosses, played by Tom Wilkenson and Paul Giamatti, are key players who you’ll see a lot of. Not the case. Though the plot quite literally revolves around them and their competitive secrecy (and hate) for one another, we don’t see much of them (which is a shame because those guys are fantastic). I’m not complaining about seeing more of Clive Owen, I’ve been a huge fan since KING ARTHUR, I even got the chance to meet him and Til Schweiger in Toronto. Owen excels in each and every one of his roles, and was no different here. Julia Roberts is another story. I enjoy her as an actress, and as far as talent goes, she nailed this part and had some pretty cool chemistry going on with Owen. My only beef was how plastic and worn she looked in all the well lit scenes. I just don’t feel she fits the profile she’s trying to sell (looks-wise). I wouldn’t call her hideous, but this was a far cry from PRETTY WOMAN or even OCEAN’S ELEVEN.

Writer/director Tony Gilroy is no stranger to espionage and trade secrets, having written all three BOURNE films. He knows what he’s doing behind the camera and can write the hell out of a script, but something just felt a little off here. Two companies at war is far from compelling, and then they drop this mystery patent on you at the end of the movie, but quite frankly, this "secret" they’ve been building is irrelevant considering the plan is all about selling it for forty million dollars anyway. Like I said before, the ending is fine, but this makes the ride to it feel kinda cheap and very boring. That said, I did thoroughly enjoy the lack of trust relationship between Owen and Roberts. Their opening scene is vastly original, and where this one incident takes them throughout the film is both comical and entertaining.

I love a good undercover heist with twists and turns, double crosses and showdowns, and on that level this film does not disappoint. I can’t give away anymore details without ruining it, but suffice to say the ending is worth seeing. I liked everything save for the fact that it just seemed to drag after the first hour. Clive Owen is a solid leading man, and every actor has their "iffy" films (SHOOT EM UP, THE INTERNATIONAL), so I won’t hold that against him. Truth be known, he’s the primary reason I enjoyed this film as much as I did. Like Tom Cruise, Owen’s got a charisma I enjoy on screen and as a result will watch him in just about anything. My only cast complaint is the unfortunate under-use of Wilkenson and Giamatti (but their fight scene at the airport was definitely one to be proud of).

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TRAILER: The Fourth Kind

There's no such thing as too many alien flicks as long as their serious and a touch creepy. Stuff like CONTACT and CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND are borderline, I'm more into harder stuff like THE FACULTY, THE HIDDEN, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS and THE THING. Though this flick seems to lack the "in your face" quality of these aforementioned films, its edgy, its got Milla and now, its got my attention.

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Date my Avatar!

This priceless little gem of a video is based on the wonderful world of online gaming, which is mostly dominated by WORLD OF WARCRAFT at the moment. This crew of peeps have a webisode show called THE GUILD (a comedy about people addicted to online gaming) which is absolutely HILARIOUS (That said, please note: If you've never played online games like WORLD OF WARCRAFT or are not a fan of such things, you may not find this all too funny). I've played WARCRAFT off and on for the past three years and know all too well how addictive it can be, and as a result, how funny these lyrics truly are.

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REVIEW: The Perfect Getaway

"God I hope this island isn't owned by Umbrella Corp, I'm getting so sick of zombies."

Cliff and Sydney are getting ready to kick off their honeymoon in Hawaii, when they learn the authorities are looking for a man and woman who are killing tourists. With couples constantly coming and going, they become unsure who to trust.

Now you're gonna have to bear with me if I seem a bit vague, as that's just the nature of the beast when it comes to "whodunits". I don't wanna give the damn thing away, but I'll do my best to give you my overall thoughts. Off hand, the theme here can be summed up by watching the trailer for SCREAM 2. In this trailer, Randy and Dewey are going over all the possible suspects (themselves included) and trying to counter the likelyhood of each. That's what you're in for here. The cops are looking for a couple. We first have Cliff and Sydney, the heroes of the tale, so naturally it can't be them. We then have the "creepy couple" they run into hitchhiking and have an "incident" with. Too obvious, so it can't be them. Then there's the next couple (Timothy Olyphant and his woman), which the film is also trying to point at, but again, too obvious, so it can't be them either. See where I'm going with this?

Other than that song and dance, EVERYONE who pops up in the film as it goes on looks suspicious. So, my advice is to not try to figure out the puzzle and instead simply enjoy the flick (don't worry the truth will present itself in due time). The cast was great, I love me some Milla and it's nice to see her doing something other than ripping zombies a new ass. It's kinda odd seeing a "serious" Steve Zahn and he's mostly shown up in cheeseball comedies as "the goofy sidekick". Olyphant is always welcome in my book, and I enjoyed his jack of all trades character here. The script was pretty good, and though some people knocked it, I rather enjoyed Zahn and Olyphant's back and forth dialogue about movies and crazy adventures.

This summer's had it's share of ups and downs at the movie theater. Some of the potential great flicks fizzled when they should have rocked (TRANSFORMERS), while some of the unknown little guys blew up like fourth of July (THE HANGOVER). This film was a much welcome addition to the action/adventure genre and I personally ate it up and wanted me some seconds. It was well rounded and lots of fun, with an ending that'll have you nodding your head and saying "this flick was pretty damn cool". It's definitely one for the theaters if you get the chance, and will definitely rock my "top hits of year" list.

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TRAILER: Law Abiding Citizen

First I must confess that I'm a pretty big Gerard Butler fan. After 300, I was a little disappointed that his next couple films weren't in the action genre. GAMER looks...well, iffy at best. THE UGLY TRUTH was damn funny, despite Catherine Heigl's dumbass and THIS flick promises to be widely entertaining in my opinion. I love revenge flicks and this fits one of my all time favorite quotes: "Beware the rage of a desperate man." Problem for these people is, he's an extremely intelligent (and obviously well connected), desperate man. Can't wait!

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Our Lady Peace Ft. Robynne Eaton!

A few months back I wrote a story about my friend Robynne Eaton getting into an OUR LADY PEACE video (a new song called THE RIGHT STUFF), and finally it's here for all to see! I'm totally loving the EYES WIDE SHUT vibe going on (and I'm ALWAYS a big fan of people eating food off hot naked chicks), and despite the fact Robin (like all the other women) is wearing a mask, she's still easy to spot by way of a dirty old priest trying to spank her and then at the end when she throws cake in Raine's face. I sincerely wanna toss Robynne a HUGE congrats and wish her well as she continues her rise to stardom. You rock babe, keep up the good work!

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TRAILER: Legion

Another end of the world flick...but wait, this time God decides to send his angels to do the job right. The PROPHECY was by far my favorite "wrath of God" angels flick, though FALLEN is close behind. Hell, I even enjoyed DOGMA (yes, I said it). This time around we have lots of angels, and oddly enough, lots of guns? I'm not so sure about that aspect of the film, but possessed old ladies droppin F-bombs, black winged angels and Paul Bettany? Sign me the fuck up bitches!

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Sequel News

"Hands down my favorite vampire of all time (Tom Cruise's) Lestat."

About a year and a half ago, there was news of Tom Cruise's production company (Cruise/Wagner Productions) bought the movie rights to Anne Rice's TALE OF THE BODY THIEF, the third book in her VAMPIRE CHRONICLES series. In light of this news, people hoped (myself included) this meant that Tom would reprise his role as Lestat. Last week, however, rumors began circulation that Robert Downey Jr. would possibly be playing the badass vampire for Universal Pictures. No news on which book, when or why, but it certainly is interesting news.

Vin Diesel let loose some hot/cold details about the future of Riddick. He says that the next film will mirror Riddick's roots (PITCH BLACK) and hit us with a hard "R", which in my fanboy opinion is EXACTLY where Riddick should have ALWAYS been. But before you let the good news sink in, this statement was followed by news of a fourth installment which would (sigh) slide back down to PG-13 territory a la CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK. This makes no real sense that I can see, so I'm gonna go on hoping I dreamt the last part while I wait for the next one.

Finally, last week I posted news of UNDERWORLD 4, and now it's come to my attention that Kate Beckinsale will be reprising her smokin hot role as black leathered vampire goddess Celine. I still feel we lost way too many key characters over the span of that franchise, but I'm a vampire fan through and through and have faith that they'll make another slew of cool bad guys to kill the shit out of.

My Two Cents: "I also heard news of a BLAIR WITCH 3. Of course, they first brought THAT up years ago after the sequel, BOOK OF SHADOWS. I might be the only one, but I kinda dug the second one."

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REVIEW: The Mutant Chronicles

"Ironically, the Director believes these baddies DON'T look like zombies. Uh huh."

In the year 2707, with the entire world at war, an ancient machine with the power to mutate all mankind is unearthed and begins our countdown to extinction. But a mysterious priest believes he and a handful of soldiers may be able to destroy the machine and save the world.

I’m a big Sci-Fi fan and as a result was looking forward to MUTANT CHRONICLES since first catching the trailer. I missed it in theaters (it didn’t hit my city), so again, I was happy to see it in my review bundle. I enjoyed the flick (a lot actually) though I wasn’t at all surprised as I was instantly sold once I saw Thomas Jane got the lead. Jane’s a solid actor and quite underrated (and underused) in my opinion. I was happy he passed on the last PUNISHER flick (lets face it, it was awful), and I enjoy his HBO series HUNG about as much as a straight guy CAN enjoy a show about a male escort. Jane fits back into his action shoes extremely well, and scores about as high on the "BAD ASS" meter as any leading man can these days.

The story was cool, but the true glamor was in the details. I loved the idea of a mutant making machine dropping out of space for no other reason than to piss in earths cornflakes. The religious "knights of the round table" angle was also pretty sweet as was the futuristic gear and weaponry. And to be perfectly honest, those things are what keep you interested because once you peel those layers away, this flick is just another "us VS them" battle set in an apocalyptic future with a gang of unlikely heroes who all die gruesome deaths at the hands of crazy monsters. All but one of course. The good news is, the angle writer Philip Eisner (EVENT HORIZON) throws our way is brilliant, considering the "war movie" backdrop.

Thomas Jane may have led the cast, but he was far from the only player worth mentioning. I dig Ron Pearlman as well, and it was cool to see him reunited with his HELLBOY 2 counterpart, Anna Walton, who’s swordplay was a force to be reckoned with! She wasn’t the only killer chick on board either, Devon Aoki also whooped a shitload of ass! I’m both angered and confused at how John Malkovich only seems to show up by way of cheesy cameos lately. Find your damn spine John, you’re better than that! The insane visuals made me wish I was watching this film on Blu Ray. And aside from the blood (which looked like it was added with Photoshop paint), everything from the sets to the makeup was top notch and not only stood out, but gave this flick the exact touch of eeriness needed to get under your skin.

There doesn’t seem to be enough good Sci-Fi stuff hitting the streets these days, and it’s a damn shame. PANDORUM looks awesome and Jim Caviezel’s OUTLANDER was a fantastic breath of fresh air. This film belongs in that neighborhood, but (and I hate to say it) the blood thing DOES hold it back. If there wasn’t so much blood in the film, it wouldn’t be as noticeable and as a result might not be an issue. But there’s LOTS of blood, and when you see it, flashes of GHOSTS OF MARS may or may not come to mind (no, that’s not a good thing). MUTANT CHRONICLES is still a fun as hell way to kill two hours, especially if mindless, gore-filled action is your thing. Sure, it’s completely predictable from start to finish, but if you’re a fan of the genre, the journey should put a big ol smile on your face.

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TRAILER: The Tournament

Apparently, just like the ALIENS and PREDATORS, assassins like to have a 30 man free for all battle to the death one a year in an unsuspecting rural community (of course, the assassins should be much funner to watch). I'm big fan of assassin flicks like WANTED, ASSASSINS and even HITMAN, so watching 30 of the world's best have at it for ten million bones? Sounds like testosterone based entertainment at it's best baby! Count me in on opening day.

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Thundercats concept art

"Liono was definitely one of my favorite heroes as a kid. I see his claw, but where the fuck is the Sword of Omens?"

Of all the cartoons I watched as a kid, nothing got my adrenaline pumping harder than when I heard Liono shout "THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOO!" Sure, that's not the coolest sounding catch phrase at this stage of my life, but as a kid, I'd have punched you in the face for making fun of it (or stabbed you in the neck with my sword of omens. Yes, I had one).

I LOVED me some Thundercats, and this concept art has me thinking PLANET OF THE APES. In that sense, if done properly (which is a fucking tossup), I'm thinking it could be taken seriously (so long as they ditch Snarf who's Jar Jar persona could instantly destroy this flick's credibility).

Truth be told, whether we like it or not, with GIJOE's success comes another venue for Hollywood to bleed dry, meaning we should expect everything from M.A.S.K, VISIONAIRIES and INHUMANOIDS, to C.O.P.S, BRAVESTAR and GARGOYLES. There IS some great potential there, but I'm not thinking along the "PG-13" lines, and I won't kid myself into thinking any of these flicks would be anything but. And the anal violation of our childhoods continues, but on a brighter note, here's a cool fan made THUNDERCATS trailer. Enjoy!


My Two Cents: "When the dust finally settles on the PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN flicks, I wouldn't mind seeing some PIRATES OF DARKWATERS action. I loved that cartoon!"

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REVIEW: GIJOE: The Rise of Cobra

"We meet again brother...but why the fuck does your mask have lips?"

An arms dealer for M.A.R.S technology develops a nanomite warhead that can and will eat through any material, and plans on using it to hold the world for ransom. An elite, covert military force codenamed GIJOE is then sent in to stop them.

Having had it's hype train derailed on several occasions during production, the fate of GIJOE as a summer blockbuster was looking rather grim. Then something strange happened that took most of us off guard, the initial reviews came out and there were mostly positive. I won't lie, I made myself go into this flick with next to no expectations (of course will all the positive buzz going around, I was admittedly still pretty excited). And I can proudly say that from go, this flick was a spectacular visual treat for any action fan, but even more so for fans of the original cartoon.

Stephen Sommers is back in my cool book with a larger than life vision of one of my favorite childhood shows, knocking the ball way out of the park on so many levels. The action was top notch, mixed with high tech weaponry that will blow your mind. The sets alone are awe-worthy, and the vehicles were also well done (I especially loved the addition of the Viper jet which was my favorite Cobra vehicle when I was a kid). The story was decent and set up on a way that perfectly balanced the back story with the present, while at the same time taking careful steps to not overload the audience with too many characters (a mistake that would have been very easy to make here).

The cast was far better than I expected as well. People keep busing Channing Tatum's balls but I like him in FIGHTING and I liked him here, the guy's cool so people really need to get off his back. I was worried about Marlon Wayans but surprisingly he wasn't bad at all, I rather enjoyed him as Duke's main man/best bud and their chemistry was bang on. Sienna Miller will you marry me? Holy fuck was she hot! I don't know what happened, but she stuck out in all the right ways as did Rachel Nichols. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were definitely the eye candy I was most interested in, and think (again) Sommers knew how to balance their screen time to give everyone a fair shake. The acting was decent across the board and the dialogue was nowhere near as cheesy as I was expecting (and I was especially happy to see Sommers give Arnold Vosloo his due as Zartan).

The real question? Is GIJOE for everyone? Probably not. My girlfriend was along for the ride on this one (and was with for most of the summer fodder) and though she liked it per say, it didn't blow her away nearly as much as it did me and I can't say that I'm surprised. I loved this cartoon, and LOVED the first animated movie so much that I paid forty bucks for it when it first hit DVD (that's loyalty motherfuckers). I wasn't thrilled with the idea of Baroness and Cobra Commander being siblings, but you can't win em all right? There's already a part two on the way, and I can already see how the movie will begin after the ending this film has (no I won't ruin it). I was happy with GIJOE (it was ten times the movie TRANSFORMERS was) and can't wait for a sequel. Oh, and the Blu Ray's gonna look damn sweet!

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REVIEW: Adventureland

"Seriously though, it's getting dark, you're not really dating a vampire are you?"

James Brennan has his future planned out, all he needs to do is survive the summer first. After his parents renig on his vacation money (and his tuition), James gets a job at Adventureland in hopes of solving his financial problems.

I read one review of this flick sporting the tagline "If you're expecting SUPERBAD 2 you'll be disappointed". I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be very fucking disappointed to see a SUPERBAD 2 without Seth, Evan and Mclovin! I think what this person meant to say is, if you're looking for an all out laugh fest comedy, this isn't it. This flick IS funny, but it's also a bit of a drama/coming of age love story which just happens to take place at an amusement park. Is that a bad thing? Hells no, I enjoyed this flick quite a bit.

Jesse Eisenburg is a solid lead, and though he'd never admit it, I DO think he's trying very hard to be Michael Cera (which consequently works for him here). I'm not a huge fan of Kristen Stewart, mainly because I don't find her attractive in the least. She's one of those goth chicks you'd take home from the bar at two thirty (with the beer goggles in full effect), bang the shit out of her, send the bitch packin and wake up the next morning fully convinced it was all a dream. These two don't really have much in the way of chemistry, especially considering the awkward Ryan Reynolds love triangle. However, that said, the love story here is fucked up but genuine and believable.

This flick is neither the funniest flick, nor the feelgood movie of the year but it's a good watch and has it's moments. There's fun to be had here in ADVENTURELAND but the flick does lose points for not knowing which genre it truly belongs in, and I only mention this because commercially it was pawned off as a comedy, hence receiving a lot of mixed and negative reviews. The good news is, as long as you know what you're getting into here, I'm quite confident most people will enjoy themselves. Of course, on THAT note, you'll also be glad this baby was a rental cause it sure wasn't theater material.

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Underworld 4

"Kate is hot. Rhona is hot. The two of them making out would be SUPER hot! I wonder if they'll work that scene into the script?"

Vampires are all the rage these past few years, and with TRUE BLOOD kicking ass and taking names (not to mention the cool looking DAYBREAKERS flick on the way) it looks like it's a good time to be a vampire fan. And the hits just keep on coming. Today I've learned that UNDERWORLD will be getting another installment, though no official word yet on whether or not it'll pick up after RISE OF THE LYCANS, after EVOLUTION or if they're heading in a new direction.

Personally, I don't see them staying in the past. With Rhona Mitra's character dead, and Lucian on the rise, we pretty much KNOW where that story goes. That said, the vicious battle they discuss in the first film (where Lucian gets that patch of skin ripped off by Kraven) is a story that's yet to be told. As far picking up where the second film left off, it's just a question of Beckinsale and Speedman being up for it and I can't see why they wouldn't if the script was good.

Of course, we then get a UNDERWORLD flick without Viktor and Lucian, which goes to show these fools really weren't thinking about the future when they started killing off all the main characters. I'm not sure people want a revamped (pardon the pun) world for this next film, so new territory would be risky. And despite my enjoyment of the third film, I'm not a hundred percent happy they dummied it down to PG-13.

My Two Cents: "I really enjoyed the UNDERWORLD films, and I feel there's definitely more story to tell, but with all these "other" vampire shows and films, they're gonna have to up their game and bring something new to the table."

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300...PG-13?

I don't know where some of this stuff comes from, or what kind of lifeless geekazoid sits down and creates this nonsense, but BY GOD is some of it pretty funny! I love the movie 300, even after hearing that those wondrous abs the ladies drool over were actually painted on (just as Edward's will be in the upcoming NEW MOON flick, sorry ladies). I've probably watched the trailer for 300, well, at least 300 times! But THIS priceless version is quite new to me.

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Rodriguez's Expendables

"He kinda already did this in DESPERADO, but I'll let YOU tell him that."

Robert Rodriguez is an interesting fella, an optimist and painstakingly overzealous as I've never seen a guy with more simultaneous projects in the works. His next project (or at least the one people are talking about MOST these days) MACHETE featuring Danny Trejo as a Super-Badass-Sweet-Daddy-Jones guy who loves bladed weapons is starting to echo Sly's efforts (ensemble castwise) with EXPENDABLES.

Both are set to be action pieces of art (though there's still a chance Sly's gonna bend over for the PG-13 police and God help us all if THAT happens), but MACHETE promises to be a massacre of Picasso-like proportions. With that on the table, his casting consists of Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan (there must be a "slut doing lines of coke" scene, and hopefully it calls for her to be topless), Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey, Don Johnson (not sure where they dug him up) and the ponytail himself, Steven Seagal.

One can only assume all the EXPENDABLES hype played a drastic part in rounding up the weirdest group of individuals I've seen in some time. I'm happy as hell for Danny Trejo though, and I'm sure he'll nail the shit out of this bad boy, and if anything, the rest of them will be an entertaining sight to behold.

My Two Cents: "The last time I saw Don Johnson on a movie poster was for some piece of garbage, low budget, independent film a smalltime actor buddy of mine was trying to get me to go watch. It was free and I still passed."

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TRAILER: The Vampire's Assistant

No matter how good or bad this trailer may be, I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything OTHER than seeing Selma Hayek as a "bearded lady". A topless bearded lady would be one thing, but just a plain old bearded lady is pushing it. John C. Reilly's still cool in my book, despite his many failures at comedy (I blame it on being exposed to Will Ferrel for long periods of time). And shit, anthing vampire related will always get my attention. Of course, this is a quite a stretch from DAYBREAKERS. Hell, dare I say even NEW MOON has me more stoked than this flick.

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TRAILER: Zombieland

I'll be the first to admit that we've had waaay too many Zombie movies popping up over the past decade, and though half of them were worth the watch (mainly the RESIDENT EVIL flicks, 28 DAYS and WEEKS LATER and anything by George Romero) there were lots that just plain sucked. That said, I LOVE Woody Harrelson (and consequently laughed my fucking ass off at his "zombie punching" paparazzi scandal a few months back) and he looks fantastically entertaining in this flick. This is one zombie flick I'm looking forward to.

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REVIEW: Orphan

"You think it looks good now, you should see it in the dark."

Struggling to get over the stillbirth of their baby, Kate and John Coleman adopt a young girl from a local orphanage. Well mannered and exceptionally bright, Esther seems too good to be true. That is, until bad things start to happen.

Upon viewing the trailer, it certainly wouldn't take a true horror fan long to start piecing together certain similarities between ORPHAN and prior horror films like THE OMEN and THE GOOD SON. Not to mention the FUCKTON of movies that use the whole "creepy kid" angle these days (it seems like every horror flicks got at least one lately). These were the thoughts running through my mind when I first saw it, but there was ONE thing that caught my attention and made me raise and eyebrow. ORPHAN is rated "R", and so few horror flick are these days so on THAT note, this film had me curious.

Soon after this flick hit theaters, a gush of positive reviews riveted across the net. And then I read my co-worker ARROW's review (which didn't give anything away, and nor will I) and knew this flick was worth watching. Plot wise, as I've said, if you think THE GOOD SON especially, then you're pretty much in the mindset you need to be in (minus Macaulay Culkin's dark side). The acting is phenomenal, especially coming from Isabelle Fuhrman (Esther) who gives the performance of a lifetime. She's like and evil Dekota Fanning, and I'm hoping she does good by this flick and gets presented with more opportunity.

The "R" rating is earned in spades, from colorful language, sex (minus the boobage), stabbings, bludgeoning and tons of dark imagery. This one's an edge of your seat nail biter too, with a crazy pace and lots of adrenaline-fused "MY GOD IN HEAVEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT!?" moments. Love those! All in all, ORPHAN was a generous serving of surprises and an equal helping of suspense and entertainment with a cool twist and a decent ending. I really dug this flick, and if horror's your game, then I know you will too. With the summer winding down, believe me when I tell you that NOW is the time to excited as lots of these "could be flicks" are just waiting to "WOW" your pants off. This one's theater worthy for sure.

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TRAILER: Planet Hulk

What interests me most about this trailer is not the story of Hulk making a sequel to GLADIATOR per say (though in all honesty, this flick DOES look pretty sweet), I'm more interested in where this is going as this storyline (Hulk being banished from Earth) sets up a chain of events that leads to the comic series WORLD WAR HULK. Basically, they rigged his ship to blow sometime after it lands on this new planet, so although Hulk rises to become a great gladiator (and marries the Queen or Princess), his ship blows up killing everyone but him. As you can well imagine he gets pretty pissed and comes back to earth for some pay back. This flick looks cool, but a WORLD WAR HULK flick would be fucking awesome!

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True Blood gets season 3

"OK, OK, I take it back...you DON'T look like the bad guy from TWILIGHT."

I'm assuming by this point, I'm far from the ONLY one out there enjoying the shit out of TRUE BLOOD. Vampires aren't for everyone, but dammit, I think people are coming around to the idea. Now don't get me wrong, a show is only as good as it's script and the actors who bring it to life. In this case, the source material is a series of novels (big surprise), and the cast is a well rounded bunch of guys and gals that know their way around the camera. Which is good, because they've been picked up for a third season. Seriously, was there any doubt?

Now this current season may push the boundaries of what most people are willing to believe, especially in regards to Maryanne's character. Personally, the more off the wall, fucked up it gets the better (says this sicko anyway). I'm all for Maryanne's storyline, but I do think everyone's coming down pretty hard and my man Sam. Eric's flashback scene was cool as hell, though I find the ones with Bill and his maker rather lame (that bitch has got to go). My only real vice here is that these season's are only twelve episodes long, and you bet your ass time flys (next week is episode eight for Christ sake).

At any rate, long live HBO (and TRUE BLOOD) because they just keep making me a happy camper. ENTOURAGE got renewed as well, if that's your thing (I love that show too) and I can't stress enough how excited I am for A GAME OF THRONES. So again, long live HBO.

My Two Cents: "Apparently season three of TRUE BLOOD will introduce werewolves as well as other evil surprises. As long as this doesn't start to feel like TWILIGHT, we'll be fine."

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REVIEW: Green Lantern: First Flight

"So why am I the ONLY one wearing a gay looking Lone Ranger mask?"

A military pilot named Hal Jordan is asked by a dying alien to take his ring and become a member of the Green Lanterns, an intergalactic group of heroes who defend the universe.

Animated flicks like this have come a long way, and bearing that in mind (as well as the fact I was interested in seeing what the Green Lantern was all about) I sat down with this adventure in hopes of being somewhat "wowed". And for the most part, I was impressed. The storyline here is better than I thought it would be, with a concept original enough to stand alone when compared to all the other comic heroes. I felt Hal kinda went along with everything a little too easily (he spends the better part of the film in uncharted regions of space) and for being the "only human" there sure as hell were lots of "humanoid" looking characters in the Lantern unit.

I was mostly interested in this flick so I could get a feel for what Ryan Reynolds would be bringing to the screen. Now as far as the ring's power is concerned (I guess the best way to describe it would be to say it can replicate just about any tangible item), a lot of what the Lanterns do in THIS film is fine because it's animated, but these same things would be considered ridiculous and cheesy on the big screen. My only hope on that front, is that DC as well the production team behind the upcoming film see this and are willing to spruce it up a bit.

My biggest worry in regards to the Green Lantern universe is what sort of enemies do these guys have that would be powerful enough to take them on? In this film, the enemy comes from within the Lanterns (I'm wondering if this will be the case with the movie), which is fine, but even still, these Lanterns come off like an army of Jedi or Autobots without any Siths or Decpetacons to even out the balance. I'm not exaggerating here, there's literally an army of these guys so I just don't get what sort of galactic opposition there is out there for them to beat on. My only thought, is that Hal will spend his time on earth alone rather than in space with the rest of them. Even still, his powers are more than enough to take on earth's worst of the worst with ease, so either way, I'm interested to see where they go with this. As far as FIRST FLIGHT is concerned, I suggest you give it a watch if you're at all interested in learning about Green Lantern.

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Dexter S4 promo

My favorite serial killer finally has a trailer for his new season, and in all honestly I really HATE the baby angle. I didn't like it last season, and I sure as hell don't like how it now gives the show a "less serious" approach. However, I could be over-analyzing things as the Trinity killer premise (and the return of Lundy) are both cool and promise to make things interesting. September's gonna be a good month.

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